Boop🌺

Minimal conversation with a pretty girl got me anxiety tremoring too much to sleep. This 12:30 sip of monster ought to fix it

I felt a higher power at play in the tank last night #fishtank #fishtanklive

Is that love in the air or is my cauldron of oily gas and styrofoam boiling over

400mg got me time travelling to 2026

If you attend enough Scientology meetings because they got bad bitches pulling you off the streets of LA huffing bags of shit in the parking lot, they let you blow Elrond from lotr through a glory hole. Depends on thetan levels I guess.

So nice of the fucker that’s siphoning my gas on the reg to leave my gas cap dangling there to let me know I need more punji stick traps

Fuck these targeted ads are good

Vegas NPC #69: Still dripping wet from the pool Danny Devito looking guy just wearing trunks and a towel asking the very underage looking volleyball tournament girl “y’aint 19 are ya?”

He just came back looking glum with only like 2 keys left

Vegas character #43: 5 foot tall bald security guard with a key ring so large it jingles louder than the bumping music

No mom I can't shovel the driveway I'm leveling my minecraft village and listening to French bleep blorp music youtube.com/watch?v=tBKEPj…

Day 23 is a dream. Maybe a nightmare. #fishtankdotlive

My anthrax guy isn't responding guys does anybody else have an anthrax guy

Frugal living with Spencer Put rocks in your gas tank to make it cheaper to fill up

*wakes up from liquor coma* Ughggh Facebook. Marketplace dirtbikes

Taiwanese punisher comes rollin up in da jeep compass What you doin

I'd pay big bucks to watch Joe Biden attempt to use a debit machine *Flashing and beeping PLEASE REMOVE CARD* Biden nwahs:

@bigolmtwndew Taylor about to make the best Krenko goblin token deck known to man then play it like this

Proud of myself Drunkenly shambled out to my car to plug it in for -30 instead of succumbing to the will of the pilllow and blankie

Mom was cleaning out my space and found my dildo packaging