Patrick Star

Is SpongeBob a hard worker? I don’t think so. Sponges are soft! He’s a soft worker.

How come Squidward gets to have a huge nose, and I get no nose at all? I smell unfairness – and I don’t even have a nose to smell it with!

It’s Laundry Day! But I only have one pair of shorts, so it is also … Naked Day!

SpongeBob and I don’t always see eye to eye. But if he stands on a crate, then we do.

Why do people go to night school? Isn’t it weird that there’s a whole school just for studying nighttime? What’s there to know, other than “it’s dark”?

I hear Saturday is a great day for outdoor activities. Let me know how that goes.

I’ve been called “Lazy” so many times, I’ve considered changing my name to “Lazy” ... but it just seems like too much effort.

Tuesday is my day for studying strange, gooey fluids, or as I like to call it, "Oozeday."

When it comes to math, I’m only good with round numbers. 0, 3, 6, 8, and 9 are fine. 1, 4, and 7: you confuse me! As for you, 2 and 5, make up your mind: are you round, or angular?

The clarinet is supposed to sound sweet. But when Squidward plays it, it certainly does not! Hopefully the cup of molasses I poured in there will help.

It’s Wednesday, and that means the trash man is coming … but I’m just not ready to part with this so-called “trash” just yet! Time to hide the garbage bin for another week.

SpongeBob told me love makes the world go around. Does that mean love is gravity? Heavy …

Working at the Krusty Krab would be very difficult! I don’t think I could just hand over all those yummy Krabby Patties … maybe if the customers let me take a bite of each one first, I’d be okay with it.

Squidward asked me, “Do I have to explain everything to you?” I have no idea what he means by that … should I ask him?

If Thursday is the new Friday, does that mean the old Friday is just taking a break? While he’s on vacation, I wouldn’t mind spending some time with Old Friday.

It’s important not to be narrow-minded. After all, your brain isn’t narrow – it’s round! So be round-minded.

When the chips are down, the best thing to do is just pick the chips up and eat them off the floor.

Is it Sunday? Is Sunday the end of this week, or the beginning of next week? Is time just a circle?? Is anything true?!? See, this is why I should never ask what day of the week it is.

I wish I were a pet — I’d have it so easy! Well, except for having to go for walks ... and grooming ... and getting shots at the vet. You know what? Never mind, I don’t want to be a pet anymore!

There are some things you really shouldn’t try to catch with a jellyfishing net. For example: the bus. Now I know.