Penistone Chess Club

big news... we are absolutely delighted to reveal that an article about penistone chess club has been published in the latest october edition of CHESS magazine on page 37... called 'trials and tribulations'... thank you to richard palliser for helping us ♟️

@Carl_Portman Norm wants to put a statue of himself standing like this, made out of platinum

Jolly nice. Can we all pop down to London and erect a large politically charged statue of our choice? bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

@KingstonChess congratulations @IMPeterLarge and the @KingstonChess team from Norm and all the other landing lights at penistone chess club

Captain Peter Andrews reports on title-winning Kingston 1's final match of the Surrey League Div 1 season – a closely fought 5.5-2.5 victory over relegated Wimbledon 1. tinyurl.com/42rk6mb4 Wins for Peter Lalić, Ash Stewart, Jasper Tambini, David Rowson and Martyn Jones

there was plenty of drama last night as the landing lights of penistone chess club took on a team of children at Busy Bees Nursery: 6 v 6 with two games each... unfortunately penistone lost the match 12-0... Norm was unhappy as a child sneezed in his hair and put him off

it is possible that we will be taking a few more promotional pictures soon to help boost the image of penistone chess club... this was Norms idea and so we have to go along with it... lets all give Norm a big thumbs up for his efforts 🖕

@Carl_Portman Alan Sugar is looking well

Happy Day. I have always loved this.

@lularobs it looks as though black is in serious doggy doo doo

Men will see this and still think they’d win

hello again twitter... penistone chess club is back online after a two month ban after we accidentally re-posted a picture of a gentleman sausage... we are sorry to have caused offence and have learnt our lesson... we have lots of news at the club to share 🖕

due to a miscommunication, our friendly match with West Stow Chess Club will now take place this saturday at 3 o'clock on valentines day... it is Norms 80th birthday and there will be a pre-match buffet prepared by Norms missus and one or two other volunteers

our president Norm Fisk will turn 80 years old next week on valentines day, so to celebrate next friday we have invited a team of six players from a small club in cambridgeshire to take on six penistone players captained by Norm... the cambridgeshire team is West Stow Chess Club

@Carl_Portman Norm was very proud and said he deserved to win the trophy... nobody was prepared to argue with him... once Peter Small challenged Norm and wound him up, so Norm stuck a bishop up Peters nose... he has his foibles but Norm is our Henry the Fifth

@PenistoneChess And how proud he looks. You have everything in place except a podium, where Norm could rise above everyone else in glorious victory. One people One tournament One chess club.

on friday penistone chess club held a small blitz tournament... unfortunately there were a few disputes as it is difficult to play blitz with analogue clocks... the top three players were tied but our president Norm Fisk declared himself the winner as he grabbed the trophy first

@KingstonChess wow that is fantastic... well done @IMPeterLarge... Norm also won a blitz tournament on friday and sends his regards

IM Peter Large wins the 17th All Saints Blitz with a perfect 6/6? tinyurl.com/ytwm76ph It's the eighth time he has won the event. The next tournament is scheduled for Wednesday 4 March? Can anyone stop him winning again?

yesterday the woman we had been warned about did in fact turn up at penistone chess club... we had cleaned our pieces but unfortunately the woman had arrived by accident... she was looking for penistone cheese & wine club instead... Norm did not know about this and wants to join

some big news will be coming out of penistone chess club soon... stay tuned ♟️

@IMPeterLarge that is good news @IMPeterLarge... there is still life in the old dog yet

Today. Thought I’d never win a tournament again.

given that there will be a woman attending penistone chess club tonight, we have asked all our members to shower in advance and Keith has volunteered to wash our chess pieces... some have not been cleaned since 1999 and may contain rare diseases

@KingstonChess wow, that is an unusual idea... we are not sure it would work at penistone chess club as illegal moves like this are made on too frequent a basis

@PenistoneChess In 1975, we played "Ladies’ Interference: two opposing sides of chess members played each other, various moves in turn, but when the clock buzzed, a lady, usually a non-chess player, could move anything on the board wherever they wished. There were some very funny moves!"

big news... there have been murmurings that a woman will be attending penistone chess club this friday... it is only the second time a woman has ever attended the club... we will not make the same mistake as before and will keep Clive and Keith on a tight leash

@Carl_Portman unfortunately it is not Norms decision

@PenistoneChess It is absolutely outrageous. I mean to say casserole... ...on a Thursday. How awful. 😞

@Carl_Portman our president Norm Fisk often gets into trouble with his missus for burning the casserole on thursday nights... sometimes she does not let him attend penistone chess club on fridays

@PenistoneChess Be careful lads. A woman in a chess club can be a very dangerous occurrence for many reasons. Be wary of any trick questions and never EVER let them know where you all stash the openings books. They are smarter than us and you'll be losing in no time...

@thelittlehat we are very glad that you are following our humble penistone chess club @thelittlehat... if you ever decide to come along please let us know so we can sanitise our pieces in advance, as some of them have not been cleaned since 1999

This tweet made me burst out laughing at the airport.. 😂