Peter Aliass

@AvaSantina @GaryLineker Cunt

“I don’t care what he thinks about water quality” MP Steve Brine, who voted last year to allow water companies to dump raw sewage in Britain’s waterways, gives his take on @GaryLineker

CRACK, SWOOSH, PWANG, RFFT. A golden leaf touches down. Deftly on its tippy toes. Silence. RUMBLE, WHISTLE, SPLISH, SWOOL. Earl Grey at the double. A ginger nut soggens. Tranquility. Tranquility. Tranquility.. Have a blissful evening friends, I know I will! #TheMasters

I’m fascinated by Dylan Fruitella’s eyewear Ken. Not sure why he feels the need to don safety glasses, perhaps he’s upset the patrons. Shocking stuff #TheMasters

One of the most significant developments in the beard world in 2020. Golf commentator Peter Alliss has come out with a beard at 89 years old

What a marvellous championship it’s shaping up to be. 62 year old Larry Mize going blow for blow with Bryson DeShambles. 70-a-piece. Only in golf Kenneth, only in golf... #TheMasters 🌺

Ooo delightfully devilish Jonny boy! If I tried that my ball would sink quicker than Mrs B’s famous Victoria sponge! #themasters

Oh blessed be, the day is finally here dear friends... Lock the doors, Set your teleprompters to ‘occupied’, and let’s take a trip down Magnolia Lane #TheMasters

Fall brings colors rarely seen at #themasters

I’m ready to march on parliament square Kenneth, fetch the pitchforks. I haven’t been this cross since Mrs Alliss shrunk my most beloved Pringle sweater.. #neverforget petition.parliament.uk/petitions/3098…

@padraig_h @rydercup @RyderCupEurope Me of course by Jove!

I should have been finalising my @RyderCup team this evening but I’m going to have to wait another year. Who would you have picked to go to Whistling Straits for @RyderCupEurope?

Dastardly and Muttley at it again #stopthatpigeon

Good morning friends, I hope you’re all keeping well and remaining positive. The Masters in November is going to be something special let me tell you 🍁🍂 so don’t be down. Kenneth and I very much look forward to seeing you all then.

Greatness Ken, greatness. Truthfully, I never thought we’d see the day.. I’m not crying, you’re crying! #Tiger #GOAT

I say, Bruce Cupcake’s arms seemed to have drained all the blood from his personality. Cheer up young man!

He’s BACK! He’s fixed his BACK! And now he’s BACK!, BAACKK! #kenonthecourse #Tiger

My my, I don’t think any other man alive his tittilated me quite the way Tiger has. Confusing feelings Ken, strong but confusing.. 🐐

Fabulous drama! If you have a favourite cheese accompaniment, please do telegram in and let us know... Over. #theMasters

Big year for Ken.. He’s returned from the mini mart with a rump of lamb, feather duster and Ainsley Harriott mask in hand #KenOnTheWhaaa?

Ah, it’s finally here dear friends.. Tucking in to my traditional Masters breakfast of a steaming bowl of Azaleas. Soooothes the larynx.. 🌸

Kenneth caught at Heathrow security with a rather large Johnson in his carry on.. I wonder how that got there 🤷🏼‍♂️ #naughtyKen