Philip Scoffield

Well I'm off to bed now with a mug of Ovaltine and a Pukka Pad

Of course I want hot fudge on my ice cream cone you stupid motherfucker.

I'll put all my eggs in one basket, I don't give a fuck

@TheXFactor Me too ! I'm all sweaty from dancing woo hoo !

Just spotted a lovely new clipboard in Staples window , I wonder if I can sneak it past my wife ? Ooh I'm so wicked sometimes !

Just finished washing the dishes , it's a roller coaster here at Scoffield Towers

@StephenMulhern A lovely one piece from Matalan ?

@Harry_Styles Oh I could crush a grape !

#MoaningOfLife When you grab a nice pencil from you're vast collection and the point is blunt !

@RufusHound What about Rylan ? He has no choice but to smile

@TheXFactor Have you ever thought about watching re runs of The Cube instead ?

It's been a very productive night , I've counted all my colouring pencils and I've got 248 , I've colour coded them now as well , Rock On !

@RufusHound Pardon ?

@StarJonesEsq @piersmorgan @LennoxLewis I think he's great , I'd like to take him shopping with me to BHS for some nice argyle socks

#XFactor I'm going to have a very stern word with the UK public tomorrow morning for that shower of shite vote !

#EMA2013 When's Nickleback coming on ? They ROCK !

Just paused #XFactor so I can go for a poo

@TheXFactor Yes , no , oh I don't know it's too hard to decide !

Here I am before using Colgate

A recent photo of me on holiday in Butlins , Skegness