PUGSPIRACY

SING LIKE NOONE IS LISTENING. DANCE LIKE YOU NEED TO BE SHOT WITH A TRANQUILIZER DART!

So in other words he became president so he can make the American people suffer. Every once in a while he lets something like this slip out of his ugly mouth. This has been a part of his plan, probably because he lost the 2020 election to Biden - he will make the country suffer. So we are part of his plan of retribution first it was single individuals he hated now its the entire country's turn. He's a sick man.

Trump: Americans should be thanking me, I thought I'd be making them suffer way worse than they are.

@ClaudetteGGibs1 Books.... Tons of Books.

Surprise me.

@ronsterd89 Eat Crackers in bed

Your husband rejects your food over a little misunderstanding and goes to bed hungry. As a good wife, what will you do?

People keep mistaking my "wows" for complements

Friend - "I'm worried about you" Me: *Dunking an Oreo in Whiskey.* "Why?"

Me:: I'm hot blooded, check it and see ER doc: ok Me: got a fever of 103 ED: holy shit you need the ICU Me: come on baby do you do more than dance ED: what the fuck? Me: I'm hot blooded, I'm hot blooded ED: *on intercom* "again... John you do not send Psych Patients in here!"

‘Do you ever stop and wonder why I don’t pick up?’ ~my voicemail greeting

*pokes tree* Do Spring stuff

There’s just something about my posture after sitting in front of a computer for hours, a certain ... "je ne sais Quasimodo"

[phone buzzes during meeting] Me [looking at phone]: OMG Boss: Everything okay? Me [leaving]: I need to leave right now. Boss: Okay. Go!! MY PHONE:

I'm not saying your perfume is too strong. I'm just saying the canary was alive before you got here.

@krassenstein Iran hit Trump in his pocketbook "QATAR". Trump is getting worried now.

HOLY SHIT. THIS IS A REAL POST.

@SpencerHakimian Time for Trump to do some begging for help and some money with his Board of Piecemeal - Iran hit Qatar which is part of Trump's money maker country. He's becoming desperate now.

🚨BREAKING: THE BOARD OF PEACE WILL HOLD A MEETING SOON

Me: [Closes eyes exhausted] My brain: I'm not done talking.

Me: I’d like the bread bowl Waitress: With what kind of soup? Me: Soup?

Me putting in eye drops: *eyelid* *eyebag* *nose* *cheek* *eyebrow* *armpit*

Hostess: It's a 15 minute wait. May I have your name? Me: Baroness Von Gerhardt, heir to the throne of Osterburken. Hostess: Me: Write it down.

@BeingJWood He wants to takeover Cuba so he can build his golden Trump-Cuba Hotels on the beach. He cares nothing about the people of Cuba- Cuba is his Gaza.

Does ANYONE understand why Trump is blockading Cuba right now? Apparently the island is suffering greatly. It seems cruel and unnecessary to me.

@JesusChryslerII They look like they just came out of the Mara Largo Plastic Surgery office.

It’s super weird & coincidental that all the members of The Kennedy Center Board cry out of their ears.

*Writing a love song.* "What rhymes with unlimited salad and breadsticks?"