Queens Head FC

Our gaffer 😮‍💨🫶🏻

Friday night live, reporting straight from The Sunn in Lemsford, @Elnorro1 is attempting the mighty walkers challenge, 30 packs of crisps in 30 minutes - can our gaffa do us proud? @KingDinkss is standing by with updates! #elnorro #bitesagain #cum

Imagine the scenes.. thousands of fans gathered around, to watch our assistant gaffa @Elnorro1 fighting “Jonny Herts da heartthrob” @jonmallaburn. By round three both fighters would be covered in cum, tearing each others clothes off, a lot of heavy breathing. #Elnorroinvestigates

Friday in watching the boxing, our very own gaffa Cumstain has been in the gym working on his jab. Would there be a weight class heavy enough for him to compete in? Unfortunately, the only thing he’d fight for, is a trip to turkey #ElNorroInvestigates #Cumstain

Club statement from our main man @Elnorro1 📢 “It wasn’t because he was beating me, it was because he took the crispy crème I’d been eyeing to scoff for half hour, I lost my head and I’m sorry” Humble in defeat, a true gentleman. No bad blood between El Norron and Cumstain 🫶🏻💦

With the next few weeks piling up, our gaffs @Elnorro1 was in a controversial spotlight at the weekend, after challenging Jimmy Five belly’s to a scoff off. The controversy started, when Norro violently attacked Five Belly’s after falling behind in the race.

Happy Sunday! I hope you are all enjoying your football and your roast dinners (@Elnorro1 your 3 roasts) we’ve had some development on scouting, both have seen more Reds than Tampax - @BeckoJase @ @Margido_Davey! Can’t wait to see you in the showers 🔥 #cum #earlyshower #hot

More IQ added to the team this afternoon, as we have added Jonny Herts to the squad! @jonmallaburn joins the squad on a two year deal. Some have compared him to a horny rat.. recently seen on cowboy builders. #cum #5bellys

I tell you what, we are working magic over here. From the Cod to the Head, @KingDinkss & @Elnorro1 have been smashing kebab houses and pizza gaffa. Bring on 2024! #cum #5bellys

Did someone call a pirate? Arrrrr!! Club chairman @kingdinks has done worked his magic once again, as we are trying to hit diversity quota. @Elnorro1 worked hard to bring on the pirate @brettdon09. There she blows!! #arrr #5bellys

Our very own @dommett_, local legend, scoffed enough silver bullets to wage a small war. Incredible footballing ability this lad. Delicate on the ball but a demon in H&H. Welcome Dommett🔥 Smashing kebabs and football since the 80’s ⚽️ #cum #12bellys

Skipper is back in training. He’s been out the game for a while, had a spell at league winner Stotfold and was stuck with an unfortunate injury. Fat boy is back in training and ready to go 🔥 #fatboy #cum #5be

The overall IQ of the team was at a peak, so we’ve signed dumb and dumber @GusScottmorriss & @harveys03385701 🔥 They bring a combined IQ of 28 and 15 red cards between them. Welcome boys 🙏

Congrats fat boy

Welcome @mattyday2015 to the side, adds wealth of experience managing teams across the Spartan. Matty is coming onboard to manage the reserves and fill up the bottles. The last time he won 3 points was doing 40 in a 30 #cum #5bellys

Jimmy 5 Belly’s has raised the bar once again! He has used his big belly and network to bring on the twiglets @Ant_Burns @TTBurnsy_ 🙏👀 HUGE welcome to the boys, very experienced and knowledgable coaches. @Elnorro1 is investigating which one is the longest in the shower.

Love this, our man @Elnorro1 smashing curry’s with the firm.

International break, lads on holiday. Good time to unwind and think about the next few fixtures. @Elnorro1 is out covering the local grounds, scouting players and spinning jaws. Jimmy 5 belly’s (@jimmyhill84) has joined the hunt, searching for the next cumstain! #cum #5belly

New signing ✍️ The one.. the only.. Jimmy 5 belly’s pledges him allegiance to the Head ⚽️ Some big names have been retained, but this is the biggest name to sign so far🔥 Welcome @jimmyhill84 - big game player, can’t wait to see him in our tight shorts. #cum #jimmy5bellys

@MichaelGodLee Hello Michael, Just noticed you are looking for a team. Please send over your CV, your bra size and waist size and I’ll see if we can accommodate. It’d be good to add you to the growing squad we are building; @jimmyhill84 @MartinStanden3 @BeckoJase Just to make a few #cum

In light of recent events I have decided to leave Letchworth Garden City Eagles. Thank you to all the management, coaches and players who made me feel welcome and put in everything to get us out of the trenches. I am looking for a new club ⚽️ #FreeAgent #KeepTheBallMoving