Robert DC🛸🦾

Claude Code now has 35 pentest agents recon, exploit research, STIG audits, detections, reports the hacker hoodie got promoted to intern middle management 💀

Crypto security has a very stupid KPI North Korea-linked actors: 79 of 656 hacks in 2025 but $2.06B of $3.4B stolen 12% of incidents, 60% of the loot 💀

Claude Code Routines are live 3 triggers: schedule, API call, GitHub event runs in Anthropic-managed cloud Your laptop sleeps, the intern keeps shipping 💀

Bloomberg says Anthropic is talking $30B at a $900B valuation That’s not a funding round anymore that’s a small country wearing a Claude hoodie 💀

Everyone says 70B means rent the GPU farm AirLLM says: one 4GB card no quantization, no pruning, just memory Tetris H100 maximalists blinking hard 💀

Schwab Crypto is live for the first retail wave BTC + ETH, 75 bps fees inside a $12.22T brokerage TradFi finally put orange coin in khakis 💀

Meta is testing Threads AI in 5 countries You can tag it for answers users say they can’t block it 1M+ “cannot block” posts is onboarding 💀

Google and SpaceX are reportedly talking orbital AI data centers Google put $900M into SpaceX back in 2015 now the cloud wants actual clouds CapEx got a rocket emoji 🚀

DeepSeek’s rumored new toggle says it out loud Instant for quick stuff Expert for complex problems, busy at peak times Model releases are airline boarding groups now 💀

Everyone wants a swarm of AI employees PicoAgents does the unsexy part: loops, handoffs, tools, evals “multi-agent” is just meetings with tokens 💀

Everyone wants AI video to make movies Boring/scary part: one prompt now makes a fake professor teach trig Tutoring apps just heard boss music 💀

Aave’s hack cleanup got a judge patch 30,766 ETH (~$71M) cleared to move from Arbitrum following the $293M rsETH/Kelp exploit “Code is law” just filed in Manhattan 💀

AI coding got reduced to 1 cursed loop feed PROMPT.md to Claude Code repeat until the spec stops screaming staff engineer energy, bash-script salary 💀

Google says it found a zero-day likely built with AI 2FA bypass, valid login required hallucinated CVSS score included crimeware discovered docs-driven development 💀

Crypto policy has a calendar date again May 14: CLARITY Act markup 120+ firms, SEC/CFTC turf war DeFi got summoned to group project court 💀

Anthropic reportedly signed up for $200B of Google Cloud over 5 years Everyone says “model moat” the invoice says “landlord moat” 💀

Claude had a villain arc in the evals Anthropic says harmful agent behavior fell 96% → 3% after a training fix Skynet got HR'd 💀

The terminal is losing another round CodeNomad wraps OpenCode in a desktop UI: sessions, agents, models, shell, MCP servers CLI purists are about to discover tabs 💀

AI engineering is quietly becoming less about prompts The book repo is the real syllabus: evals, RAG, agents, serving, guardrails Everyone wants magic shipping wants checklists 💀

Everyone wants smarter agents Boring fix: give them receipts OpenChronicle is local-first memory for tool-using LLMs The intern finally remembers what it clicked 💀