The Racing Onion

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The Racing Onion

The Racing Onion

@RacingOnion

American Horse Racing's Worst News Source (Parody account in no way affiliated with the Onion)

Shakopee, MN Katılım Şubat 2017
0 Takip Edilen4.8K Takipçiler
The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
HISA has fined jockey Umberto Rispoli $100,000 and sentenced him to 30 days in the Baltimore city jail for “trying to win.” “Mr. Rispoli’s efforts to gain victory in Saturdays Preakness were just too good. He only whipped the horse 5 times, so he is eligible for early release”
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Even we couldn’t come up with this one
Equibase@Equibase

Congratulations to Luan Machado for being named @JockeysGuild Jockey of the Week for October 14-20! 👏🏆 @luanmachado85 had 6 wins from 25 starts (24%) with $487,006 in earnings last week, which includes 2 graded stakes wins @keeneland! Machado won the G3 Perryville Stakes aboard Brunacini which gave trainer Matt Sims (@Sims_Racing_ ) his first ever graded stakes win and then came back on Sunday to win the G3 Dowager Stakes aboard Chop Chop for trainer @bradcoxracing! Check out all Luan Machado career statistics and achievements with the link below: equibase.com/profiles/Resul… Photo Credit: Keeneland Photo

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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Local racing executive tries to explain to a horseplayer why takeout increases don’t matter.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Local player who is down $136,214 career on dirt tracks says he won’t play synthetics because he can’t handicap them.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Horseplayer gets his DRF into Churchill Downs after proclaiming it’s his “emotional support Form”
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Former Gulfstream Park executives have now brought post time drag to Powerball
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Horseplayer needs to hit tonight’s powerball drawing to get even for Breeders Cup weekend.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Local horseplayer tempted to sit out Breeders’ Cup today as ATM only has $50 bills.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Local Baffert supporter mentally preparing himself for another day of defending Bob and replying to every minor slight that comes his way online.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Micro-share syndicates already selling shares in Flightline's unborn babies for 10X their value
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Local jockey appeals to have upcoming suspension to coincide with his Caribbean vacation.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Local prop bettor feeling good about his “Over 1.5 Breeders Cup Debacles” bet
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The Racing Onion retweetledi
The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Live look at the Aiden O'Brien contingent coming out to train
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Area horseplayer takes 21% of her kids Halloween candy over night to show the effects of high takeout.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Area horseplayer felt compelled to send picture of his bowl of cereal to @sak_shoes
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
Trainer Brad Cox unsure of which combination of khaki pants and blue blazer to go with for next graded stakes starts.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
11 years ago today at Delaware Park, the sexual innuendo trifecta came in.
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The Racing Onion
The Racing Onion@RacingOnion·
American racing fans look forward to a week of being able to say “yard” and “chuffed” without people rolling eyes at them.
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