Raymond Shields, Esq.

okay I guess I should introduce myself. I’m Ray, I’ve been a lawyer since I was 19 (that was unusual in 2001). I run the Edgeworth & Co Law Offices. some of you may be of the belief that my name is Eddie Fender. this is due to an error made by the DVLA that I haven’t fixed yet.

@angel_appetite look at me, married to a senior citizen…

@RayShields82 totally not doing the old person lean back, not at all.

hey, @angel_appetite, when’s your eye test again?

@angel_appetite how far, sweet girl?

@RayShields82 what?! just normal…!

@angel_appetite normal for you, or for everyone else?

@RayShields82 i— a normal distance!

@angel_appetite princess, how close is your phone to your face right now?

@RayShields82 i’m reading this just fine! maybe…!

@angel_appetite maybe two things can be true at once?

@RayShields82 ah, fuck… i gotta check… you calling me hot or blind?

@sexyklav he’s yet to invite me to one of his, but I always preferred George anyway.

@RayShields82 mccartney?

credit where credit’s due, Paul always throws a real good party.

@angel_appetite but he does get covered in lipstick a lot…!

@RayShields82 mm… just a little? he wouldn’t look that scared…

@angel_appetite seem familiar?

@k_bhord no?

@RayShields82 no

@MiaFeyAce it’s crazy! I’ve been turning 30 for years, now…

@RayShields82 14th consecutive 30th birthday?

@angel_appetite …look at you, getting a little treat!

@RayShields82 i’ve heard a little already… seen might be a better word.

cleaning the sheets for my husband after he took me out for the day. he knows exactly how to get away with it…

@angel_appetite that’s something to ask them, I guess?

@RayShields82 it can’t be all bad…

@angel_appetite ha… yeah, I hear it’s hellish over there…

@RayShields82 people friends, silly…! who live far away… and are real hot… in all that hot weather…

@angel_appetite our cat friends, or our people friends…?

@RayShields82 mmm, our friends?

@angel_appetite now, who would that be, sweet girl…?

@RayShields82 mhm! even if i get too hot, i’ll still keep you around… we don’t have it as bad as someone else we know real well…

@angel_appetite just to make sure you don’t get too cold…?

@RayShields82 i’ll still let you warm me up…

@angel_appetite …maybe… I guess it’s getting warm…

@RayShields82 i haven’t thought that far… the bed’s still stripped… maybe some real light ones…?

@angel_appetite yeah, but which ones are you putting on…? I’ll get started on planning dinner…

@RayShields82 our sheets…?