
When you plan, having the dementia and driving discussion becomes a little easier.
While they are still allowed to drive, contact an occupational therapist to evaluate their driving every 6 months to ensure everyone is safe.
Before they can no longer drive, consider what might keep them from agreeing not to drive and address their feelings. Next, research the alternate forms of transportation in your area.
The Talk:
✅ Be curious not confrontational. Don’t cite facts and figures. Ask questions like what does your car mean to you? What is your motivation for holding onto the car? What is in it for them if they give up the car?
✅ For those who don’t want to give up driving, gently reinforce the medical diagnosis. Ask their doctor for a written prescription and make extra copies
✅ Let them know you value them for who they are. Perhaps you can invite them to be your co-pilot so “you can get more driving time in.”
✅ Be mindful of their feelings about the loss of independence and be supportive
✅ Stress the positive side of not driving, such as carpooling, public transportation, rideshare, and taxis. Can you start integrating these options into their routine now so it will cause less fear and anxiety later?
✅ If you have grandchildren, coach them so they mention that they would like to have a car like that someday. And encourage them to ask questions which may help identify the reason for not letting go
✅ After the driver’s license is revoked, remove triggers such as keys lying around and the car parked where they can see it
⚠️ Be aware, the States of California, Delaware, Nevada, New Jersey, Oregon and Pennsylvania have laws that mandate medical professionals notify the DMV about medical conditions that could affect someone’s ability to drive. All DMVs investigate complaints about dangerous drivers and pull or limit licenses when necessary.
In short, rehearse The Talk and expect surprises. Will the conversation go perfectly, maybe, maybe not. Likewise, you may have The Talk many times. When you are prepared, it's easier to support safety over independence.
@tracycramperkin — author of Dementia Home Care, How to Prepare Before, During, and After.

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