William Rispin

@93vintagejones Calm down Sir Humphrey!

Many people are saying what a chronic waste of money this is, but think how many surveyors, engineers and project managers were kept busy. The point of government infrastructure projects isn't to build things, but to provide a form of white-collar welfare.

@DrFrancisYoung Certainly seems to be stretching things a bit too far

Ok, the pseudepigrapha ascribed to unlikely Biblical characters are getting out of hand now

@HiddenYorkshire I thought it was this explanation that inspired Shania Twain to write her song "Man! A seal like a woman."

ANOTHER THING I HATE is the idea that mermaids originated from sailors mistaking seals for women. I think people are a lot more complex than that. Can a seal look like a woman? Sure. But these are people who could navigate across oceans by the stars. They weren't stupid.

@MinooFramroze Sadly, if I remember correctly, he was not chosen by Cromwell to be the model of a modern major general.

Its primary patron was the very musical Bulstrode Whitelocke

@tc1415 Thank you very much! I have learnt something tonight

@RispinWilliam Mr. Attorney, Mr. Chancellor of the Exchequer, and Mr. Paymaster-General are available too.

If he wants a title, he can be Mr. Secretary Lammy or, and this one pains me but he is it, My Lord Chancellor (*NOT* my Lord.)

@HiddenYorkshire Guessing that the light bulb one is "Only Juan" but that probably says something about my knowledge of awful jokes

Sent him a like just so I could find out the punchlines

hinge love quest is going well

@CapelLofft "Kids, let me teach you about the Papal Schism. Now, who wants to be the Roman Pope and who wants to be the Avignon Pope?

My 4 year old son playing in the park. Both him & his friend want to be king in their game. Fraught. Me: let's play 'Roman Republic'. Then you could both be consul: 2 chief magistrates equal in status. This did not resolve things but did get me funny looks from other parents

@CapelLofft Correct, hence why his last two prime ministers have been people whose career is largely behind them - Barnier and Bayrou.

I am no expert on French politics, but...why would anyone agree to be Macron's 5th PM in 2 years? Surely their chances of success are basically nil, but their chances of being tarred by association with a toxically unpopular lame duck President are 100%. What's the point anyway?

@fugitiveink Is Spoon a supporter of York or Lancaster?

Well done, little Spoon, that is excellent news, little Spoon, thanks for letting us know

@HiddenYorkshire We had that version in Hull, so it certainly spread across Yorkshire

must have been a local variant

"all i wanted was a bag of chips, but i got shot in the dangly bits" ???

@militaryhistori @MichaelLCrick Surely as a former serviceman and celebrated military historian, when the sad day comes, you will "Go West" or did I just read too many Biggles books as a child?

@MichaelLCrick Yes, indeed. I will expire, start the eternal black ski run, join the Great Muster Beyond, conk out, or otherwise snuff it, but never pass.

If anybody uses the word "pass" when I die, then I promise that my ghost will come back to haunt them. "Passing" is for footballers.

@93vintagejones The best cartoons are the ones where they have to label the characters

Wow. A powerful cartoon referring to a very obscure historical event; Google ‘Adolf Hitler’ if you want to know more.

@HiddenYorkshire Can we have this tweet as a pre-battle General's speech?

Pisses me right off when I get civil wars and secessionists in my rome 2 campaign. Don't you dare rebel against me, mate. I lost some good legions too. I'd maxed them out as well and they turn against me. Dickheads. I'm crushing them and killing the captives to teach a lesson

@fugitiveink Spoon seems to be reminding you that it is not Twelfth Night yet, and that cats remain the masters and humans the servants. Hope you have a merry Christmas.

Happy Christmas to you too, little Spoon

@fugitiveink Has Spoon just remembered that he is yet to start his Christmas shopping?

Nothing I say is really going to convince you, is it, little Spoon?

@HiddenYorkshire When I was in Sheffield a few years ago some Derby fans were singing "This place is a shithole, I want to go home" and when they had exhausted that song, changed to "Derby's a shithole, I don't want to go home." Everyone was happy.

To be fair "Elland Road is falling down/falling down/falling down/Elland Road is falling down/it's a shithole" is pretty catchy

Leeds are playing Hull at home so a hotel of away fans come off the train and start bellowing, which prompts home fans to bellow against them, and it's just a vortex of embarrassment like you are grown men shouting about kicking a ball around

@JackTindale Thought this was the Emperor Augustus speaking for a minute

@theDuncanMackay Has Ötzi been given some of the magic potion, therefore allowing him to defeat his enemies and stay alive?

…and after the formal handshake of Asterix, Obelix was always going to go in for a hug. #PlaymobilÖtzi drops his bow in astonishment. #PlaymobilInfestation

@yuanyi_z Makes me think of that Roman tombstone "Remember friend as you pass by; As you are now, so once was I; As I am now, soon you may be"

In the coming weeks, there are going to be some singularly graceless people in victory, forgetting that they, too, will be despised in good time.