Rodney Dangerfield

So what? So let’s dance! 🤯

“Kids today, they got it too good, you know? I mean in school, they teach them sex education. I never had sex education when I was a kid. I learned it by hand.”

“It’s not easy, but it's in your blood. It’s the life you chose... the life of a hot dog maitre d'.”

“Are you kidding? When I was your age, I would lug fifty pounds of ice up five, six flights of stairs!”

“O death, where is thy sting?”

“Nunzio’s, it was a tough place. I sat down to eat, I looked at my finger bowl. There were three fingers in it.”

“I asked my old man—he was seventy-six; he died when he was seventy-eight—I said, ‘What’s the answer to life? You’re an old codger. You lived through vaudeville for twenty-five years. And after that, you were a customs man, in the stock market. You did very well. So what’s the answer to this whole thing?’ He looked at me, and he said, ‘It’s all bullshit.’” (📷: Annie Leibovitz, 1980)

“I got the wrong doctor. You know my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz. What a doctor, are you kidding? I called him up. I told him I had diarrhea. He put me on hold.”

“You want to be a fish wife!?”

Story from Phillip P: “Saw Rodney in Las Vegas. The cocktail waitress was from my hometown. I showed her the 45 I had of Rappin’ Rodney and told her I’d like to get it signed. She said, ‘Give it to me, I’ll have his wife give it to him to sign.’ This is the funny part. The waitress came back and told me the wife said, ‘Tell the guy that I slipped the 45 to Rodney while he was using the bathroom and he signed it.’ So Rodney was taking a dump after the show and signed it. This was at MGM around the mid 90’s. Still have that and the tie. Rodney Dangerfield was the best.”

“I shouldn’t tell jokes about my wife. She’s attached to a machine that keeps her alive... the refrigerator.”

Remembering Rodney’s damsel in distress, Valerie Perrine. (September 3, 1943 – March 23, 2026)

“Winter, summer, spring and fall. I’m always up against the wall. I don’t get no respect at all.”

“I’m not a kid anymore. I’m getting older now. I’m at the age now, to me, shooting up means the enema bag.”

“Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes till somebody passes out. And then bring one every ten minutes.”

Rodney’s signature red necktie and suit jacket can be found on display at the National Comedy Center, courtesy of Joan Dangerfield. (📷: @ntlcomedycenter)

“Everybody’s looking for love though, deep love. A lifetime of deep love. I’m looking for a shallow half hour.”

“And my wife, she can’t cook either. You kidding? She made leg of lamb. I couldn’t get past the wool.”

“Are you kidding, I know I’m ugly. I asked the bartender to make me a zombie. Told me God beat him to it.”

𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫: Is it hard to walk with a tail the size of yours? 𝐌𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐧: That's funny. I was about to ask you the same thing.

“My dog, that’s another one. He keeps barking at the front door. He don’t want to go out, he wants me to leave.”