My Shul Called Life

board members, clergy, ejewishphilanthropy, someone’s dad: what do we do about the jewish affiliation crisis Meanwhile, the hard copy form: I’ll need the social security number of your dentist please attach a check for $4000. MUST BE RETURNED BY MAY 1!!

Don’t forget to add these items to your Seder plate to bring justice to your Seder: An orange. An olive. A lemon. Yellow tulips. $16 in shekels. Two AA batteries. The passport of a dead man. One clean white T-shirt.

bitter herbs?? really?? at a time like this??

Temple President attempts to secure a donation for new lobby furniture without actually committing to the “fabulous animal print”.

Surviving the HHD only to be hobbled by the new @ShulCloud admin menu: The ShulStaffer Experience™️

Among the many challenges facing the Jewish community today none is so bewildering as the @URJorg’s complete abandonment of graphic design and its embarrassing font “choice”. #UrgentCall2Action

Yiskoschnorrer: one who lists their parents in the yiskor book three states away because they found an online form that said “donation optional”.

TikTok? More like Tikkun Olam haha go to youth group.

*ShulCloud leaning in to my coffin* have you thought about using Bill.Com?

Nothing in the Jewish world is more complicated and emotional than the merger of a High Holiday congregation and a High Holy Day congregation.

somewhere some Shul staffer is like “hi @SecondGentleman, great job at the DNC! When you get a chance, could you please register for high holy day services and submit your membership renewal? Hope you’re having a great summer!”

nobody will remember: - your salary - how “busy you were” - how many hours you worked people will remember: - that you made a typo in an email one time - that you embarrassed yourself using a match to light candles - that you didn’t know their grandfather founded the temple

All are welcome in our sukkah, but please put on bug spray and sunscreen before entering. Your plastic free BPA free eco friendly sustainable kosher vegan dish can be placed next to the pronoun name tags. Please label all allergens.

Normalize inviting your friends to your sukkah just for lashon hara. #SukkahOfSilence

Event descriptions be like: Join us for Pizza in the Hut! It’s like a pizza party, but in the sukkah. We will eat pizza, but in the hut instead of at our tables. Pizza! In the HUT! Come get your pizza, then join us in the sukkah to eat it! #PizzaInTheHut

*phone ringing* Hi, this is Jacob with your Instacart order. I’ve arrived at your dwelling place. ME: Oh! Mah tofu!

You think we’re going to jump ship to #Threads because of some chaos and poor management? Oh honey, we work in synagogues.

shul staffers wait all week for the clergy day off so they can actually get some work done and then the clergy spend their day off emailing them anyway

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 4 years, since 30 May 2019 (via @twi_age).