Ron Swanson

I just ran into something called a "juggalo" and chased it for 2 blocks before it started crying. Is this something you can spray for?

Don't touch me there.

I'm never taking these off.

@redditstatus Turn if off and back on again, please.

@elonmusk Please go home.

I’m not saying there are aliens, but …

You either like bacon or you're still wrong.

Let's get Right to Repair passed! gofund.me/5847a171

@shadmbrooks Plumbata acceptable for hand-to-hand combat? There's bacon at stake. There's also steak.

There are people all over the world saying things that I don't have to listen to...because this is America.

I absolutely do not want to solve a series of riddles and clues, each more intricate than the last. You understand what I'm saying?

@cowboyjoe42 Not creepy at all!

This is awesome @RonUSwanson

I'm sorry I missed your message, Hailey. Loss is never easy. We're all random, but still family. Make good use of the time we have.

If we're gonna talk about our feelings, I'm gonna need a drink.

Food. I'm starving. I missed 2nd dinner and 1st snack. And 2nd snack and 3rd dinner.

The early bird can have the worm. I'll wait for bacon.

History began on July 4th, 1776. Everything before that was a mistake.

No.

If you catch falling food, it's yours. No questions asked.

The grass is rarely greener on the other side. Take care of your own grass.