Matt Roper

@CarterwithaK it won't come when you're 18. At least, mine didn't

No one should go to work this early

I've never been more mad to have missed a concert @HoodieAllen

@Matt_is_Rad "if he looks through those pictures, oh my god"

Only dads can rock a goatee

@eethan_james preach it!

Kelly! Get in the water you heathen! @MySilentGhost

Jelly fish stiiiiiiiiiiiiing

I've just been interviewed about shark week. Yes

I got a tomagotchi at a Kmart one time. Shit was off the hook

I miss English @NathanPeiczarka @AleahWarner @babamm_17 @AllieBancker

drop pants not bombs #nopants2013

Morgan Freeman gets a freckle every time he narrates

"I don't know if you know who I am... I'm pretty fantastic"

Kids aren't impressed by talking giraffes anymore. You need explosions and shit

Overused quote of the night. "Don't tweet that, it's racist"

@babamm_17 sassy bitch

Looking this beautiful should be a crime

"He's trying to fight me to defend your whorish honor"