Rosalyn Johnson

Actual heartbreak: forgetting it’s veggie Monday in the work canteen and picking up what you thought was a coronation chicken sandwich only to bite into it and be hit with the horror that it’s coronation chickpea… let’s pop that on the list of things that shouldn’t exist.

Well I’ve finally managed to run a bath that, when entering, isn’t like stepping straight into the fiery depths of hell. I’ve even sat straight down, no slow submersion here. Only took me 33 years. Not too bad going.

@mylowilkin We might disagree on this one…

Not even the shortbread can make up for this!

I will always really like that Andy Murray got us all saying "this might be Andy Murray's final career game" about 5 different times in his very final tournament. So very very very Andy Murray of him.

Hang it in the Louvre 🖼️ #Paris2024

What’s the name of the condition where you can’t get through the afternoon without a chocolate muffin? I think I have it.

My left hand has just had brain freeze.

Of all the memories Andy Murray has given us, one stands above the rest. On 7 July 2013, in living rooms and town squares across the country, we celebrated the end of a 77-year-wait...

WHY AM I CRYING #andymurray

How much longer and wider?

@LWTheatres hiya, I haven’t been sent my tickets for tomorrow and can’t access the booking on your website, it isn’t recognising my transaction number. Could you please advise on what’s best to do? I booked directly through your website. Thanks

@mylowilkin Everyone deserves mini eggs!

Yeah but...do you think you deserve mini eggs??

Fast reader or an easy goal?

Made an important observation tonight. Hiccups whilst swimming is not ideal.

Petition to award a Nobel prize/lifetime achievement award to the person who discovered you can perfectly curl your hair by wrapping it around a dressing gown cord and going to sleep!!! Can we say life changing?!

It’s time.

Sleeping under a weighted blanket counts as working out, right?

Turns out my toxic trait is ordering food and falling asleep before it’s been delivered. Woke up to 9 voicemails from the just eat driver 🤣 Poor guy.

Post birthday cake… benefit or drawback to living alone?

I’ve gone too early with the switch from the summer duvet.