♦Rosalee Lewis♦

I texted a guy yesterday who has not texted me back. He must have died! Thoughts and prayers to his family.

Earn $0.60 when you complete "Betty Crocker"! swagbucks.com/offer?oid=1038…

I entered the Hold on to Me Darling Lottery for $40 tickets on @TodayTix! Tap here to enter: todaytix.com/nyc/shows/4182…

I entered the Merrily We Roll Along Lottery for $39 tickets on @TodayTix! Tap here to enter: todaytix.com/nyc/shows/2741…

Our tickets for today’s @Braves v @Mets rainout are not good for the double-header tomorrow!? Cruel and unusual punishment for a terribly rainy weekend. #GOBRAVES 😭😫 (and BOO @Ticketmaster, btw?!)

If you’re a red carpet, then why are you white?

Congrats on your engagement I finished #2 in the obsidian league and am being promoted to the diamond league

Indescernable whether I have actual self-doubt or just know what my mother would say

FOR ONE DAY ONLY: my code ROSYLEWIS is good for 30% off @yourparade. Also: hi, Twitter :) yourparade.com

All the best people work at @HomeDepot — this is not sponsored or ironic, I just really love Home Depot!

You know who needs to work harder? Democratic elected officials. You l know who needs to work less hard? The sun.

Italian men are like, “you are beautiful, if I didn’t have girlfriend I want to be with you” and then, “also, throw those pants away, they make you look fat”

@LesleyScheu BRAG, much?!

Random question, what is the purpose of Scottsdale?

My love languages are Acts of Service and Tinned Fish

I had to delete Hinge many months ago. It was too hard on the men to find out that I’m taller than them. They didn’t even take the time to find out that I’m smarter and funnier, too.

CDC recommends you may now just say “Bloody Mary” one time before —

It’s that time of year again — when, upon undressing, I think I’ve developed a new mole, only to discover that the mole is a melted crumb of chocolate I dropped down my shirt earlier.

My grandmother said she loves my sweater! Which is good because it is actually hers.

I don’t usually think I need a husband, but I just got some amazing new @StuartWeitzman knee-high boots and am having some trouble removing them, so

I have seen THREE PEOPLE misspell karaoke as “kareoke” in the last day and I just want to say: what the FUCK