The Ultimate RoyCephus

I live my life by one code and one code only. It’s the Pirate’s code. If you fall behind you get left behind.

My girlfriend asked if we had strippers at my cousin’s bachelor party and I didn’t know how to break the news to her that we just sat around telling stories about college like total dorks instead.

@TannerLeier spotted your boy

@TannerLeier Maybe he needs a roommate so you can finally move out of your moms basement

Now that Tom Brady and Gisele are getting divorced do you think he’s going to marry his son that he was kissing in that video? 👀

@JonnyBabyK21 How do?

@JockJames32 @yo_itsb How are you able to tell he’s tone deaf, this tweet doesn’t even mention his taste in music at all. That’s why I’m so fucking confused

@yo_itsb How to prove to people that you are tone deaf AND have never been to a Hobby Lobby in your entire life with one tweet!

Hobby Lobby is gonna have quite the mental conundrum going on when their clothes hanger sales start to go through the roof

@kaylajay6 @yo_itsb I don’t think he’s talking about cracking jokes, I think he is talking about cracking eggs

@yocolten Love those dipshit shots! Didn’t know it was named after you, congrats!! 🎉

Got a shot named after me at sports bar so you could say I have peaked

@Sportsbarbathr1 we found the Joe Biden taliban flag on 13th thanks for the adventure

@yo_itsb I quit Twitter good bye

@Roy_C_Swenson Fresh Price… That’s what you get at Will Smith’s grocery store

You can take the Fresh Price out of Philly, but you can’t take the Philly out of the Fresh Prince

@chuckstylin @JamJamJamJamerz What’s a self proclaimed “professional driver” know about words Chuck?

Wordle 261 3/6 I might be the greatest wordle player in history 🟩⬛🟨⬛⬛ 🟩⬛🟩🟩🟩 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩

@TannerLeier Wow hard to see other people living out my dreams

@Roy_C_Swenson You’ve gotta see Gwar live if you get a chance lol, they dress like this and shoot fake blood and cum on the crowd

One time on tour us and the other bands went to a bar that Gwar owns in Richmond called GwarBar and had brunch and mimosa’s under this beautiful scenery 💁‍♀️

Mahomes has been awful in the clutch here, so let’s all make sure we’re giving him the “Rodgers’ Rate” level of criticism.

Hey @BuschBeer I like the new cans, but you do realize people don’t use full size regular fishing poles to ice fish right? Need me to throw on a flannel shirt and come do some quality control on your designs? Because I will

If you subtract all the receptions and receiving yards from his career Antonio Brown isn’t even that good at football

It’s pretty clear @Hub_Arkush leaked this story to show he was right about @AaronRodgers12

@yo_itsb Three likes! I knew I had struck gold with this baby.

@Roy_C_Swenson Shoulda told that one on the air mattress last weekend! Woulda killed!

Damn girl are your cheeks cold or are you just embarrassed by me