Ryan Schmitz

If I drink whiskey at 10:00 at home on a Sunday I'm an alcoholic but if I do it in Florida I'm just a tourist

@RandyVikes69 @RamieIsTweeting Randy is a liar he’s known about Covid for over a month

I am 59 the risk area is 65

The heifers obviously have a great taste in music

@feldewerd @Nick92800746

Stop calling me at 2am when you’re drunk and alone. You had your chance but you lost it. Sorry but I moved on, and he actually appreciates me.

No hesitation. Problem solved.

Things that DON’T make you ugly - acne - being over/under weight - scars - stretch marks - body hair - thinning hair/loss - psoriasis/eczema/rashes - fat rolls - amputations - physical abnormalities things that DO make you ugly - believing cows r leading cause climate change

Why are bacteria considered life on Mars but a heartbeat is not considered life on Earth?

Someone is glad the #BombCyclone is over. #cattletales #calving2019 #knowyourbeef

'18 Saints: I can't believe we gave away $10K '19 Saints: Hold our money bag. GM @DerekSharrer has gone mad again. If a 16 seed beats a 1 seed in #MarchMadness2019 we'll give away $50,000. Must retweet AND follow this to enter. We'll choose one winner if it happens. #TixOnSale

God is great but sometimes live ain’t good, something when I pray it doesn’t always end up like I think it should but I do it anyways

I can’t believe my parents let me be my own person instead of forcing me to play sports or take some kind of lesson, because now I’m an adult who has no hobbies and no talent.

I’m starting a petition to hire mike McCarthy as the Vikings new Offensive Coordinator @Vikings

@Nick92800746 I think I’m going to the pub

Some times you have to go to hell and back just to figure out where you’re at

I need Jesus or I need whiskey what ever works best to get me through getting over you 🎶

Might fuck around tonight and cover up my social anxiety and lack of social skills by consuming mass-quantities of alcohol, which will inevitably lead me to a morning filled with increased anxiety, likely panic attacks and worrying that everyone who saw me last night now hates me

They tell me Jimmy G. is undefeated. If Zimmer tweeted he would write “hold my beer.” This QB with big potential never has executed his toil in the House of Pain. Linval hasn’t eaten since July, and he likes Italian. Can I get a witness? #Skol