Garrett Eichler

Kneecaps are not a god-given right

When the Friday paycheck hits

@sorryimgabbi 🥸

@sorryimgabbi 🤨

@sp00kypussy My favorite scene was the part with the road. If you know, you know.

cocaine bear was the worst movie I’ve ever seen. i loved it.

@JohnKenish Weaksauce

@SMSGarrett Sure, it's a taste when it's all you've had for the night, but when you've had cider then suddenly have to go back to an ipa, it's shit

Man, nothing slows down your drinking pace like going from something that tastes good down to an ipa

@B3nSolo Wym? I'm proud of you lol

@SMSGarrett Damn why you gotta do me like that

If I had exclusive knowledge the world was going to end tomorrow, which one of you guys would want me to tell you? Purely hypothetical, of course. This tweet implies nothing. The world isn't ending tomorrow, you know, unless it coincidentally was and you'd like me to tell you.

@MacinRigg I watched it without seeing the first one and I still thoroughly enjoy it. There will be enough flashbacks to cover what you need.

Your tesla AI has been modified to honor the sanctity of life and make the hard choices so you don't have to. That's why when it detected a squirrel in the street, it swerved into that early childhood daycare killing 17 children.

Optimus Prime gives better speeches than Steve Rogers. You can't change my mind.

While chatting online today, the Problem of Evil comes up. However, while chatting about it, my phone autocorrected it to "Pringle of Evil" and now I'm imagining a giant Pringle in the sky who is singlehandedly responsible for all the suffering on Earth.

My pillow has more folds than an origami crane

So, eleven-and-a-bit years ago, I wrote the only written narrative in Minecraft: the story that appears after you kill the Ender Dragon. (A narrative which players often call The End Poem.) Today, I officially librated that ending. Er, what does that mean? 🧵

Just poured myself a bowl of cereal, then realized we were out of milk. Now I'm sitting here putting cereal back in the bag one handful at a time looking like an idiot. A damn fool. And I have a dirty bowl now 🙄

@MacinRigg That makes too much sense. Always hated wearing a coat.

I've decided that college girls are immune to the cold during Halloween weekend because they dress in less layers than they do during the summer months.

my horny ass could NOT know shadow clone jutsu 😩