SadFaceOtter

I can never be accused of being AI. I am literally neither of those things.

Talk to your mates

Pasta makers: we can make any shape you want, spirals, tubes, bow ties, envelopes.. Me: a lasagne sheet shaped like a lasagna dish? Pasta makers: … little shells, the alphabet …

“wait a second… Heat rises” (it hits me) “heat rises!” Bank teller on floor: what? “Heat rises!” (I rush at the armed robber and he shoots me in the face killing me instantly. It’s unclear what my plan was)

RIP Alex

This just came through my door, I guess this is where we are at now.

Bit worried I’m drinking an April Fool “joke” here

He could just change it to say Turnip

If anyone wants a table for one at King’s Lynn Pizza Express for tonight, I believe they’ve had a cancellation.

This has the makings of a decent sit-com

DO YOU HAVE ANY TROPHIES OR AWARDS I CAN HAVE?

If you start watching Mrs Browns Boys from the beginning at 10pm, by the time it strikes midnight you will have wasted exactly 2 hours

Happy New Year!

“Turkey is actually a very lean meat” I say to myself as I go back for 6 more pigs-in-blankets and a handful of quality street

I just did a fart with with more syllables than a Welsh village

jez forgets the turkey but it's lego

Never fails

Costa really should change their ad slogan to “we pay tax” It’d be a low blow but I think people would respect it.

Watching peep show bake off

"Well, the pugs in blankets are done" "You mean pigs?" *slams oven shut* "DONT LOOK IN THERE"