Accidental SAHM

2K posts

Accidental SAHM

Accidental SAHM

@SahmAccidental

I got laid off on maternity leave, so now I'm home forever

Katılım Eylül 2017
931 Takip Edilen1.3K Takipçiler
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Parenthood is the maddening tension between counting the minutes until bedtime and wanting to freeze time forever
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
My brain: Tell me your wildest fantasies, because we’re about to dream! My dream: There’s a @Chopt my office building!?!
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
6: What do you want for Christmas, Dad? Husband: Peace and quiet 6: No, Dad, what do you ACTUALLY want?!
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
If you haven’t been locked in a bedroom by your 3-year-old at 7am, are you even a parent?
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
I just volunteered in the preschool where both my kids went for the last time ever. It felt like these toddler years would last forever but suddenly they are just over 💔
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Me while my husband tries to explain nuclear physics as our kids yell and fight around us:
GIF
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
As I put shoes on my 6-year-old this morning, I wondered: Could she run away fast from a shooter in these if she had to? This is the reality of parenting in America. This is not OK.
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Me: Let me dig around for some snacks. 3: Did you say dig?? <Immediately runs outside>
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
“Mommy, you have a big fat tummy!” 3-year-olds are fun.
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Tell me that isn’t wine in my 6-year-old’s self-portrait from school…
Accidental SAHM tweet media
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Why do kids wake you up to tell you they’re sleepy
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
6, listening to @MileyCyrus on the way to school: “Hey, it really is a party in the USA today! It’s my best friend’s birthday!”
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
If my toddler wakes me up to tell me he’s sleepy one more time I’m going to lose my shit
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Me: trying to get both kids out of the house by 8am Husband: now seems like a good time to change the sheets I’ve been ignoring for six weeks
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Is the 3-year sleep regression the last one? Please tell me it’s the last one.
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
My 3-year-old’s ability to eat while pooping is equal parts impressive and disgusting
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Why is “increased anxiety” a symptom of every medical condition that someone who already has increased anxiety would be Googling. That’s just mean.
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
6: Why did they take a boat to get there? Me: Planes weren’t invented yet. 6: You mean like back in the ‘90s?
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Me: Today we need to finish buying xmas gifts, plan holiday food, and book our spring break trip Husband: Now seems like a good time to go through that closet I haven’t opened in 5 years
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
Husband: Your hair looks nice Me: Thanks. I haven’t washed it for 8 days
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Accidental SAHM
Accidental SAHM@SahmAccidental·
When you realize you’re in a power struggle with your 2-year-old and there’s no way out:
GIF
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