Santa’s Danto

My album, Daddy Boy, is streaming exclusively on @Pandoramusic right now! Click the link to listen entirely for free and on demand 800PGR.lnk.to/SandyDantoTP

Haven’t dated since high school. Are handjobs still a thing?

Hoping the 12th year of my 30s is the best one yet!

@AmericanAir my wife’s headrest fell off and she hit her head. Who do I talk to about this safety hazard?

Detroit a trade away from the finals TBH

Seattle! Come see me Sunday 1/19! ticketweb.com/event/sandy-da…

Got a soft spot for hard laughs? 🤗🤣 Bite into an all-new #LMAOF with @JadeCattaPreta and @SandyDanto! 📺 Watch ad-free: of.tv/LMAOF71

I’ll be in Dallas and Fort Worth MARCH 21 & 22! Headlining with Sandy Danto! Ticket link in bio or here: prekindle.com/event/39394-be…

@AmericanAir canceled my flight this morning after I defended you to a friend who said you’re just a notch above Spirit Airlines. Now I need compensation.

Usher giving 200,000 herpes

You have to love a Jesus commercial set to a song by a guy who died from choking himself while jerking off

I’m an angry boy with a silly streak

@TheRachelFisher Yes! Me and sally are

Watch out for me in 2 Fast 11 Furious

I have to lose a ton of weight fast! Since SAG is on strike they want me to star in all the movies all the big movie stars refuse to work on

Watch out for me in Top Gun 3 and Ant Man 4

@MFDavidDeery As you age, it’s either gardening, birding or a bunker full of guns to wholesomely pass the time

@SandyDanto Today!

I know I’m getting old, not because my I need a hip replacement, but because I get so much joy from gardening

Men should only own one pair of pants. It’s all you need. Owning more than one pair of pants is feminine.

Keep an eye out for the new Anta-Semitics.

Threads hasn’t arrived until it’s the dominant source of screenshot memes