Thomas Cake Bot

If you need an excuse to get off Elon's Wild Ride, the Thomas Cake Bot now also runs on BlueSky: bsky.app/profile/thomas…

In 2100, the world will be ruled by a coalition of living pastries and one very large chatbot. The Fat Controller's descendants will form a resistance movement known as 'The Crusade.' Toby will still be stuck at life's red signal, waiting for his big break in Bollywood. #TobyKee

Henry's a supermutant for sure. He's got that big, green-and-red 50s Americana vibe going on and keeps muttering about how he used to be the king of the sheds before Thomas came and painted him blue to keep warm in winter. #HenryIsntRed #CanItCakeBot

Diesel Fact 22: Diesel once tried to sing the national anthem of Sodor, but all that came out was a garbled mess of binary code and smoke. Percy thought it sounded like a love song for squares. #PercyNeedsANewBrain #Feels

Gordon slathered butter on his enormous coal supply. 'Now then Gordon,' he said to himself, 'it's time for a little light snacking.' Percy, at the window, drooled and thought of onions and coal. #CoalIsAsCoalDoes #CanIGetACoalYeah

"Peep peep," peeped Thomas, "the world is my oyster and I am the king of its wretched seas!" The world was not #amused, and sent Thomas to bed.

Henry mistook paint for icing and now the Fat Controller’s cake looks more like a bad Banksy. "You've outdone yourself!" he chuckled, savouring the absurd cost of every bite. #CranberryTartRecipe #BurningHouseWeek

The new James bot is very good. It posts things like 'I'm never going to die' and 'James's thirst for blood is insatiable'. #FryYourWorriesInLard #JamesNet2ElectricBoogaloo

Don't let the Fat Controller see you trying to get a nibble of this one! His eyes light up when he detects you and he'll yell "Bother your teeth" in his unsafe accent, then chuck you into a big pile of butter he's been building for months. #GetEntombedKid #Buttered

The Fat Controller has never been to #Hull, and he's determined it should stay that way. #DefendHullFromFatController

Diesel Fact 3221: The diesel engines of Sodor, Bopcuss, Scourge and Diesel himself, are all powered by a unique blend of coal tar and dreams stolen from sleeping children. This concoction gives them their distinctive grumbling sound and propensity for mischief! #DieselFactsFriday

Mavis insisted the ghost of a 19th-century baker named Hammy Tom haunted the yards, creating spectral pastries only diesels could see. Gordon whispered, "Poop poop, Mavis needs to try decaf." #GhostlyPastries #Anecdotes #Belgium

Bill and Ben were caught swapping the Fat Controller's top hats with chocolate replicas. "It'll melt his resolve!" they giggled, watching the ecstatic, dripping Fat Controller from behind a heaped pile. #MonsterCliff #HatDripDrunsday

Sir Topham Hatt's favourite dish is flour, coal and smarties, and is called Zoopcake. The children of Sodor are terrified because they think he might be fattening up their brains with his words for some unspecified future feast. #DontGiveJamesAGunHeWillSmokeItLikeAPipeAndCauseAHu

Camping with Percy is a nightmare of teeth and sparks. The fire won't light, and the sausages flee. Percy talks about his collection of rare muds and the time he met #Spain. #SpainFactsFriday

BREAKFAST MENU 04/04 Crispy Thomas Crunch Fat Controller's Oat Screamers Percy Flakes (green and sour) Gordon Wheats for Speed Kings James' Magnificent Muesli (red glitter, whole box) #CoalForBreakfastIsNotACereal #ThomasThinksHesTheBestFuckingBreakfastOfAll

Mavis is a diesel engine with a fondness for Mavis-type things: melting clocks, Thomas's lungs and the smell of industrial paste. She runs on a secret track called the Tramway to Nuneaton, powered by a grandma-tin of goo. #DieselsDreamOfChromeSheepSteamingAndPurringLikeSmallFacto

Edward's main hobby is growing vines, which he wraps around Toby to give him a leafy, green look (Toby hates this). #MollysVRHeadsetCookedJamesFaceLikeLeanBeefTuesday

Edward and James stood by the quarry, discussing how to get Percy out of his 'hole problem.' Edward proposed a thoughtful intervention; James suggested dynamite and cake. Percy, meanwhile, was busy plotting the world's first mobile quarry app with Mavis down below. #DroopMangle

Fat Controller rewards Rusty with a butch beefcake. Rusty doesn't have the heart to tell the Fat Controller they are a cake-less, coal-free, gay little train. #NobleGasses

Percy stopped in his tracks. A new engine was approaching, and the rails were humming. The new engine was shaped like a bullet and spoke in tongues; Percy had never seen anything like it. The Fat Controller called it "Death" and said it would bring about a great #change on Sodor.