mamaschlapps

Happy milfs day 💘

As someone who grew up in poverty (wouldn’t change a thing because I have learned so much and I am grateful) I am so happy that I have gotten myself to the place I am now to both give my children the world and show them the world. 🤎

Me: *doesn’t plug phone in at night* Also me: “y the fuk is my phone always dead?”

Me shopping for Super Bowl watch party 🤝 hunny cleaning the house for superbowl watch party

Every pay day I feel rich for a moment. Then I pay my credit card off and BOOM poor again

Pretty sure my son is gonna bust in on me using the restroom until I die Even if it’s just to talk to me about Pokémon

I tell everyone I’m 22. But eating shit while sledding today humbled me. My ass is definitely 28 and everything hurts. 🥴

“I just sprayed the shapoopie stuff” My friend talking about poo-pourri

It’s payday. And Christmas’s bonus day. So I went to pay my credit card and the balance was $0. This feels illegal

Not my bestie telling me to bring my daughter to see him and pack some “bagged tit” (breastmilk) for her

Jared trying to tell me what he wants to get our son for Christmas and I constantly interrupt him by drinking loudly from my eMPTY stanley

Wax lady really “you want upper lip too?”-ed me 🥲

I really got tatted with 3 combo bars and a bit of water in my tummy lol

Truly had no idea that I’ve had my winery membership for 7 years. That’s nuts. But they gave me $70 credit on my account and that’s swag money

Being a breastfeeding mom is not for the weak LOL Boob juice just squirted everywhere during seggsy time and my hunny just goes “I don’t mind a nice horchata shower” 💀 Get me outta here

My hair girl just had her baby last night, and the first snap I get is her telling me babygirl has a butt chin with picture of baby’s butt chin lolol 🍑

When the tsa worker wishes us a happy indigenous peoples day 🤎

I feel like I’m losing my mind

@_santoyo_ Until they hit the phase where it’s a knockdown drag out fight to get them in the tub 😅

Bath time is 20% business and 80% play.

@_santoyo_ I gave him a crisp knucklesammich

@Schlapinator I hope you did give him the cash.

Not my baby brother calling me today to casually ask if he can borrow twelVE THOUSAND dollARS from me

@_santoyo_ So that he could pay for a new car in cash 🙃

@Schlapinator Was it a valid reason?