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I wanted to let you all know that I’ll be going on hiatus very soon and will be mostly MIA for a while due an upcoming health procedure.
Lately I’ve been struggling with what I believe may be anhedonia.
Most of the time everything feels too mechanical. This leaves me feeling empty, sad, and joyless. On top of that, I’m facing my first-ever surgery intervention in the coming weeks, which has me quite anxious and scared.
It feels sad not to experience the satisfaction I used to feel. Things that fulfilled me now feel like a must-do rather than something rewarding. Maybe I’m overthinking it. Who knows?
I’ve been trying to occupy my time with language classes to learn new ones. At least I still find a deep interest in learning languages.
I’ve been told that it’s not a serious procedure. But given the profound systemic failures and injustices in the healthcare system, it’s hard to fully trust what I’m told. I worry they might downplay the risks.
All of this, the medical stress, and the constant pressure from everything happening around me, has become overwhelming. In an effort to clear my mind, I have overextended myself with exercise as of lately. What used to be only weekend routines, I now do for more than two hours both in the morning and evening, almost every weekday.
My sleep schedule is completely broken. This is why my activity on social media happens at very random hours. Posting and commenting has mostly served as a distraction from the heavy burden I’ve been carrying.
I need to step back to reflect on who I am and what I’m doing right and wrong in life as of this point intime.
I need to focus on my health, prepare for the upcoming surgery, and properly recover once I’m discharged and back home. I’ll return once I’m feeling stronger both mentally and physically.
I’m doing my best to stay strong, pray, and carefully consider what kind of help I truly need. Right now, the best thing I can do is pause my socials activities and concentrate on getting through this situation, hoping for the best possible outcome.
I appreciate you taking the time to read this from start to finish. Even if you don’t know me and vice versa, it truly means a lot.
Thank you once again. Please take care of yourselves, and God bless you.
~ SeValentine
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