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I’m pausing s*x for that duo lingo streak irdgaf

Yall be wiping your butt with rings on but take them off to wash your hands

Ms. Briggs played the bagpipes and was obsessed with Randy Jackson😂

Was just in the bathroom so long that when I reentered my room it felt unfamiliar

@momgetofu Wait stop I want to go so bad

It’s always the people with ear wax caked up airpods talking about how Apple Music sound quality is better like you don’t hear a difference

Clean Bandit, Charlie xcx, Bhad Bhabie

When I was a kid and explaining to my dad why I had heels on

San Francisgender

@IrishKat00 Is this ai?

but all my prayers already went to Bad Bunny’s knee recovery😭😭😭

Gonna watch a nature documentary! Is everyone mad at me???

Take the highest number you can possibly think of. Now double it. That’s how many Oreos I just ate

We live in a world where every interaction you have with a stranger could just be material for their podcast… so honestly just give them something to talk about

Basically spent my entire day sulking about my ex dream crush who doesn’t exist and was completely a figment of my subconscious

@momgetofu Wait wait wait Bella no because something’s in the air

Whenever a gay guy is married I’m always like in the normal way or the gay way?

I sleep with my phone, laptop, and iPad all within tongues length of my face at night…basically sleeping in a microwave and I’m wondering why my head hurts all the time and I can’t hold onto a thought for more than 5 seconds

Oh you want to steam carrots?? Literally cancel all plans and appointments for the week