Shark Team FC

BREAKING || In an odd turn of events, the club have once again reluctantly allowed manager @kyjones98 to speak to @SeFutbol in regards to the recently made vacant managerial position.

BREAKING || Shark Team can confirm we have reluctantly allowed manager @kyjones98 to speak to @realmadrid over the vacant managerial position.

#STFC 3-3 #DDAC Brilliant comeback from the lads last night. Great resilience to come back from 3-1 down with 6 minutes to go. Goalscorers on the night: ⚽️ Burgwin ⚽️ Burgwin ⚽️ Burgwin

Player Profile: Willy Boly ⚽️ Ball playing centre half. 🎯 Bobby Moore/John Stones hybrid. 🍺 Can neck any pint given within .87 seconds. 🤦🏻‍♀️ if your a girl and are a 7/10 or below, beware you’re getting fingered.

Player Profile: Jon Arne Riise 👶 has two kids with two different mothers (see below). ⚽️ Most powerful left peg in the league. 👸 Loves a Camp Rock 2 song. 💪🏼 Has been known to put certain man on the weights.

Player Profile: McNulty 🍔 Fat cunt. That is all.

Player Profile: Marquinhos 💨 Fastest player in the squad. Tattoo 🖋 Inked. Don’t know if you knew? 🔴 Most red cards in the league. Wears his heart on his sleeve. Warrior

Player profile: Jan Oblak 👀 13 saves last game out. ⚽️ 2 career assists 🧤 Champion Soccer Golden Glove 17/18 😈 Lost his virginity to a slag aged 12 Captain, leader, legend.

Would like to welcome @SG1Angels to the league. Good to have healthy competition with local rivals.💪🏼💪🏼

The new @powerplayleague season is upon us! ⚽️ Rhythm is a stanier ⏰ 21:00 📍 Oakengates Leisure Centre 3G Can the boys secure 3pts and start the season with a win!?

Breaking News || Kyle Jones restores major shares in the club. We’re back to Shark Team FC #WelcomeToTheTank

News for tonight’s game! K. Jones J. Parrish A. King C. Buckley N. Harding J. Burgwin #StinksOfGoalsJez

The club are delighted to announce a new ownership. British consortium Mabbott Industries has taken over the club with immediate effect. Chairman Mabbott has put an end to Shark Team FC. Long live Tilted Towers FC. #KeepItTilted

Goals on the night from @JakeStandrin and @CallumleechSTFC

Needless to say I’m still horny following last nights utter shithousery from our defender @98Cbuckley Blood was boiled following a great showcase of timewasting and diving, which was influential in our 2-0 big win last night against a good side. #BuckoYouKnow

The sharks can confirm they have lodged a complaint against the league as the FA have inputted the incorrect score following the lads 2-0 won last night. A 1-1 draw was submitted to the league. Disgusting and is a discredit to the lads sterling performance last nite.

Gaffer Kyle Jones had this to say || “Yes we may be missing the engine, but we have quality across the field. I don’t see a weakness in this side. Goals, flair, ability. We have it in abundance”

@jackparrish_ Bookies early odds on @nathanharding31 first goalscorer is 4/1 E/W

Big game tomorrow. Early team news is that @jackparrish_ is unavailable. How can the #Sharks manage to swim with such a big influence missing out of the side. STEP UP THIS MAN!