Michelle Azevedo

956 posts

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Michelle Azevedo

Michelle Azevedo

@ShellyVeeds

Writer, comedian and general tall-poppy. “She’s nice. She’s a LOT, but she’s nice.”

Sydney, New South Wales Katılım Mart 2011
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
If you can read this, I’m your new stepdad
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
Maybe Aries aren't high-strung because of Astrology, maybe it's because we were all conceived during tax season as the result of a frantic stress-hump and that kind of thing will make you come out nervous.
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
If I ever get rich people are going to be like “Oh now that she’s rich she just says in her house and doesn’t want to talk to anybody, what a Scrooge” so I’d like to clarify in advance that I am just like this.
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
Call me old fashioned but I believe REAL marriage is between a DOG and a CAT sorry people 👋
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
I’m hyperactive and 5’2, they call me an animated short
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
I like to give off roughly the same energy as a raccoon being hastily chased off the porch with a broom
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
“Quirky” LinkedIn profiles are so soul-crushing that making one actually creates a horcrux, a warning that should definitely be reflected in their terms of use
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
Kind of want to name my kids Hattie and Beatrice but don’t want anyone to assume I’m pro-regency. Is there a way to pull off this delicate balance?
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
Managing to drink exactly enough to enjoy the Skinwalker Ranch documentary is a skill that deserves to be on my resume
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Freddie McManus
Freddie McManus@freddie_mcmanus·
People have said they get lost in my eyes, but describe it as an ordeal. Trapped in my muddy bog of a gaze, shooting up flares to alert a passing helicopter
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
Okay but hear me out... Am I mentally ill, or just a CLASSIC Aries?
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
Imagine putting one of these into the cupboard from Indian In The Cupboard
Michelle Azevedo tweet media
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
You either die a beloved side character, or live long enough to see yourself become a spin-off.
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
I say we bite the bullet and officially reclassify clothes pegs as fruit, considering there have been at least a couple in the fruit bowl of every house I have lived in
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
@erinmichellebrb These are my daughters, Pancetta and Kalamata” honestly sounds like a perfectly acceptable statement in my head
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
I am not ready for children and still very much at pet owner level because I had to remind myself this morning that Pancake is not an acceptable name for a daughter
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
The saddest thing in the world is eating at a Hard Rock Cafe by yourself. I know, because I checked.
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
You just know Amélie had a fucked credit score
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Michelle Azevedo
Michelle Azevedo@ShellyVeeds·
You were so preoccupied with whether you Ameri-could, you never stopped to ask yourselves if you Ameri-should
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