Simp

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If she told me to starve, I’d ask if she wanted me grilled or fried. Simp.

She said “you’re replaceable” … so I started updating my resume to “Professional Simp.”

My Simp heart would still defend her in court if she stabbed me.

She said “men are trash” so I laid in the dumpster waiting for her. Simp.

If she keyed my car, I’d buff it out and thank her for touching it. Simp.

She told me “you’re not him” … so I downloaded his haircut. Simp.

My Simp ass would still clap when she announces a baby shower for a kid that ain’t mine.

She left me on delivered, so I started delivering Amazon packages to feel noticed. Simp.

If she robbed me, I’d help her carry the bags. Simp.

She said “I love killers” … I killed my self-respect. Simp.

If she said “die for me,” I’d ask if she preferred dramatic or peaceful. Simp.

My Simp heart clapped when she posted a guy’s hand on her story — I called it a win just seeing her happy.

She said “I like bad boys” … so I jaywalked and cried after. Simp.

I’d still hold her purse while she cheats on me inside Louis Vuitton. Simp.

She told me to “get a life” … I asked if she’d be in it. Simp.

If she blocked me, I’d start a book club with her old tweets as the only reading material. Simp.

She said “you’re too nice” so I practiced being mean by yelling at myself in the mirror. Simp.

My Simp ass would still like her pics even if they were engagement photos with my landlord.

If she got arrested, I’d bail her out and apologize to the cops for wasting their time. Simp.