Fallon

When the alien slices into earth and it’s a cake, we’ll all have learned our lesson.

Big ask. I am 62 this weekend, so will probably die soon, or get alzheimers or be rendered insane. I would love my 5 mins of fame while I can appreciate it all, please retweet, I would love to go global.. just once, one last chance to prove I existed xxx

please watch. please listen closely. if anyone has any information on this man / a link to his go fund me please let me know. this is absolutely not okay. we will not be silenced.

Girls are so pretty

I have never passed so often as I have working in a senior living facility. I have been called sir and a "good looking young man" a lot today. Shout out to all the elderly for making this trans person feel good about themselves.

remake Harry Potter with an all-muppet cast but have Severus Snape played by Adam Driver

If one more child comes up to me to complain about some bullshit, I'm going to lose my mind.

Thank you to the kind old man who paid for my breakfast this morning!

There is a 100% chance I'll have to pee at the end of a movie, especially a 3 hour long one.