Das Good

@ASOS_Us @ASOS_HeretoHelp

@ASOS_HeretoHelp y’all around or do i need to tweet this from my main account

@ASOS i purchased an overcoat that i would now like to return. i didn’t realize it was too big and had already split the pocket seams and removed the tag but i still have the tag and order sheet. can i still return?

@ABisexualWriter @Skoog once i have some semblance of a routine together. i want to start next year.

[hades and zeus watching sisyphus repeatedly roll the boulder up the hill] hades: see? zeus: what the fuck hades: he won't stop smiling zeus: what the fuck hades: every time the boulder rolls back down he says- sisyphus: ope! that silly rock zeus: what the absolute fuck

@awfulsexadvice @Skoog yeah? ever seen a 19yo respond to some dickhead reply guys? they were born into this game

@Skoog This is why they have to teach history in schools. If you weren't there at the beginning of shitposting, you lack the context necessary to ignore incels.

older people shouldn't have been allowed to certain parts of the internet. they don't have the online literacy to recognize multiple levels of irony. QAnon started as a game incels played to entertain each other and now boomers are making fun of a woman for miscarrying.

ok cool

here is the test part...

testing to see if i can turn off replies for a thread

everyday god takes the ability to fly from penguins and gives it to caterpillars and that's why penguins have sworn to murder him and take his golden throne

[playing spin the bottle] girl: [spins and it lands on me] haha hey me: [grabs bottle and swallows it whole] this game is weird

i like in movies when two fighters are both really strong and hit their swords together so hard that they shatter and then they both stare at the shattered swords like “omg how are we both SO STRONG” and then they make a joint decision to battle with fists

We come across the government putting up caution tape around a massive hole in the ground. “What is it?” you ask one of the workers. He looks over both his shoulders, eyes full of fear. “My buddy overheard some scientists saying it was the Earth’s juicy fat pussy.”

“Git,” says the woman. “Go on git!” but me and the other pigeons barely flutter. This is our Twitter and she is our favorite Influencer.

a beer and a plant and my lamp collection under stain glass

*clink* *clink* *clinkclinkclink* me: do you like your soup? *clink* me: grandpa! do you like your soup! *clinkclink* [stops] grandpa: i killed a man in korea me: grandma said you were never stationed in korea grandpa: it was 1978. i paid good money to do it too *clink*

really unwell tho. just full of electric bile. also, i should stop trying to be so fucking poetic about things and also limit my cursing.

got too many thoughts. shouldn't be on main.

i don't own enough swords for my liking

@Skoog well then awayyyyy we go

@skoogeth t'wouldn't recommend it. not in the slightest.

people keep saying, "should you open a beer and risk waking your cat or wife?" and i just don't know how to answer them

@Skoog well i can't argue with that now i can i?

@skoogeth seems like a big sloppy yes to me, my man