David Sornberger

For my birthday next month I want all pastries to be free, Monday - Friday, now until ever. Thank you.

Mine is that I put cheese between bread and then grill it

Looking for your best grilled cheese recipes

I wonder if the inventor of the bagel realized just how versatile their creation was

@BlaineEntertain You're not even really hungy like that bro honestly (I will gatekeep survival signals)

me rn

Wimbledon Final 2023, 3rd set, 5th game, one of the most unbelievable games in tennis history

@TravyTheGoat Thought this was Bakersfield

Vallejo, California

@cassidyjae__ Lmk what the other sides are and I can share some recommendations!

@SnoreTrain nothing too crazy because i’ll be making pork chops and other sides as well! but i wanna make something that everyone will like too

having my family over for dinner next weekend and my brother’s partner is a vegetarian.. i need meal ideas that are actually good!!

@TheCooperJ How many adult children I gotta have before someone remembers huh?

@TheCooperJ Honestly not sure how I didn't get wished a happy Father's day yet

Man with no sons:

Honestly parking enforcement is the coolest job. You just get to drive around selectively wielding the power to absolutely destroy someone's day? Might be time for a career change

@pancakeepapi @darrenhupke I hope he saved it for later

@darrenhupke @SnoreTrain holy shit lmao

All I want is a Mario Kart with free chat.

Alternate LOTR scene for Return of the King: when Denethor's on fire and falling from Minas Tirith he pulls a cord and out pops a big Red Bull paraglider and a voiceover comes on where he goes "bro I was so scared and the flames were wild but I just thought I gotta send it"

If you're a fan of tennis and aren't watching this Alcaraz v Sinner match you should definitely watch it

"people" out here ordering bubblegum and mocha almond fudge like we don't know they're government agents

"ummm can I get one scoop of the mango and one of the salted caramel coffee in a cup?" Ummm no, but you can have a sit and 2300 volts in the electric chair, goodbye

If you order two scoops at an ice cream shop and get non complimentary flavors you should be sent straight to the firing squad.

@pancakeepapi Zachary, I'm so sorry but I read these (top) and (bottom) assignments and went "nah I'm pretty sure Cooper is a top"

every other morning with me (top) and cooper (bottom)