SoHo Shithead

You haven’t lived in New York until you’ve paid rent late but still went out.

Deport these fools.

Everyone’s “escaping the city” at the exact same time.

In your 20s you ignore red flags. In your 30s you can identify them from across the restaurant before appetizers.

New York is an incredible city where it only rains on weekends

You don’t realize how stressed you are until you leave the city for two days.

Bridge & Tunnel folks crossed state lines for a BIG night out and still ended up in the same dive bar as everyone else.

“I hate the apps” — sent from Hinge.

Your Uber ride is either $14 or $87. There is no explanation and no in-between.

Everyone’s outside like they’ve been released on parole.

Being “from here” means you’ve lived here long enough to hate everyone who just moved here.

Dating in New York is learning the phrase “I’m overwhelmed right now” can mean literally anything.

Nothing says modern romance like stalking each other’s Spotify activity instead of communicating.

Some couples are in love. Others are just splitting rent in a luxury building.

Nothing teaches a man humility faster than seeing his ex suddenly become "spiritual" with a richer guy.

Nothing reveals true compatibility faster than traveling together with one delayed flight.

Never date someone whose entire personality was assembled from TikTok therapy clips.

Every 5/10 NYC girl thinks she’s a Carrie Bradshaw but ends up a Samantha

hingebrain and instabrain are just as dangerous as pornbrain. They are all hyper stimuli that desensitize you to what's actually available in your life. In the same vein, I'd recommend men not walk around SoHo too often.

I ❤️ NY

This timeline is moving so fast that nobody has time to be embarrassed anymore.