jessica l-c

Important Message: An anagram of SUBTEXT is BUTTSEX. OK. Carry on.

@halomancer1 White conservative with a Malcolm X quote is such an off-putting vibe.

I stand by this.

@ask_aubry Well I love kids! And I hope Gil never has them. 🫤

Yet another one that got women confused with incubators

@user84829272 In many ways

Ok this is a serious ick

I had a dream last night where a guy invited me on a date to an AA meeting that takes place in a bar. and idk if there’s ever been a more obvious metaphor for stand-up

@DeannaFryTV @DavidBegnaud “Your super power is your vulnerability.” So beautifully said and widely-applicable. Thank you both for reminding us about true strength.

Living with Tourette Syndrome has been humiliating. But that was as a child. As an adult it rarely happens. Today it did. On a flight. The woman seated beside me was having a conniption fit as my nose tic (short exhales out of my nostrils) happened. She didn’t realize her antics only amplified the tics. She took pictures of me. Waved her hands. Moaned. Groaned. Twisted in her seat. Bless her heart.

@CTurnstile @AdamWeinstein They both have doctoral degrees. He has a Ph.D. She has an Ed.D. Neither of them has a medical degree (MD) or the ability to prescribe medication. So…? Either they’re both doctors, or they’re not.

@clefmmann65 @Disneyland Church?

@Disneyland Just say NO to GROOMERLAND!!!!!!

Come see the special mural created by artist Nikkolas Smith in celebration of the new film Black Panther: Wakanda Forever in Downtown Disney District.

@hisharley138 @gottmik Please explain why you think they shouldn’t be. Important Note: These “shows” aren’t in bars. They don’t involve “adult humor” meant to entertain 21+ individuals while they sip on a vodka/soda. More like someone reading “Green Eggs and Ham” with funny act-outs.

@gottmik Why are children at a drag show ?

These people are using child safety as an excuse to execute their homophobic hate filled fantasies and it’s beyond sick. They are hiding their faces because they know it’s sick. We need gun reform now and it hurts my heart how many tragedies at the hand of GUNS we have witnessed.

@dougj2 @RepCori @GovParsonMO How often have you been concerned when an officer murdered a black adult or CHILD without reason? Did you agree they should be punished? Did you have this same passion to get justice for 12yo Tamir Rice?

@RepCori @GovParsonMO No, you failed the officer he murdered. Just because you say systemic racism doesn’t mean it happened. we know exactly what did happen and that was that he murdered a police officer. Maybe try being on the side of the real victims and not choosing your side based on skin color

Missouri failed Kevin Johnson. From systemic racism tainting his conviction to a judge preventing his daughter from witnessing his execution to @GovParsonMO’s cold-hearted refusal to grant #ClemencyforKJ, MO officials have chosen inhumane capital punishment over saving lives.

With the exception of every headline from the NY Post.

This is the absolute-best headline ever written.

@DrBobbyReed1 @priyadesai Was she ugly?

@priyadesai I fucked his wife in high school. She was a pig. Great head.

🎃Ok y’all I’m callin it now, before the 31st🎃 Racist : yt ppl mad about black mermaid 😑 More Racist : Same yt ppl costumed as black mermaid 🤮😤🤬

Let us not ask* “Am I … THE… asshole?” but “Am I… AN … asshole?” *over and over in and infinite loop #aita #oneamongmany

If I could sum up the real connections I’ve made over 15 years in the comedy community, it’d be: “OK but iiiiii sent you a friend request that was ignored BEFORE you were cool.”

No campaign slogan will ever compete with “Ok, ok I’m voting for the other chick.” Except for the follow-up of ok seriously idk her name Huge fan tho 😬😬😬

@TudorDixon @gretchenwhitmer No campaign slogan will ever compete with “Ok, ok I’m voting for the other chick.” Except for the follow-up of ok seriously idk her name Huge fan tho

These great folks know exactly what @gretchenwhitmer has done to all of us. Thanks to the Gratiot County GOP for this video!

Y'know what'd make me really happy?? No seriously, does anybody know?

@NavarisDarson "Well, that'Il teach me to wear white jeans after Labor Day." "I don't think you're supposed to wear white jeans after 1983." -the only scene from Never Been Kissed worth remembering

If you’ve never worn white jeans at Taco Bell while opening sauce packets or eating Loaded Truff Nacho Fries with a spork, you really don’t know what bravery is.