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@JRozMK It takes real growth to find your spot, despite anything done in the past. I'm not saying this to defend anything you did at the time, but to validate your feelings. I've faced stuff like this and best you could do is to take a time for yourself if this is too much for you.
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How does one improve their rep in a community where nobody gives them a chance to improve their reputation?
I constantly get turned down when asking to trial places due to my reputation which sucks because there is literally no way to improve reputation in this community.
I know I've made mistakes in the past, but who hasn't.
Anyone who has actually taken the time to get to know me can vouch for me that I am not a bad person, I've definitely done shit before that can challenge that perspective of me but I know that the person I am now is lightyears better than the person I was when I joined this community because I will admit I was an extremely toxic and horrible piece of shit in my first months in the MK community.
I'm not defending anything I did in 2023, I know that some of the shit I did was extremely bad, but it was my first ever experience in a progressive community full of people from completely different age brackets and backgrounds. I recognised that and I learnt a lot from that time and worked on improving myself.
It's really really shit to hear about people I've never even met, constantly shitting on me behind my back, not even giving me the light of day all because they've formed and unbreakable opinion of me based off what other people have said about me. I've been on a sort of semi-hiatus from the community due to 2 of my cats having health issues in early February paired with my other fixations taking priority and even then, I'm finding out there are memes of me using my face reveal from my graduation that I posted in August calling me worse than Hitler being spread around when I've not even done anything notable as of late.
I'm not asking for much. I'm just asking for actual help and support to actually get into a position where I am able to not feel like a complete outcast in this community. I find it extremely hard to approach people to try and meet people outside of through playing in lounge because I'm just used to being rejected because of my reputation or tendency to be extremely competitive when I play the game. Throughout my life I've always found it difficult to actually build connections and make friends, likely due to the fact I grew up mostly in isolation and was frequently bullied in my childhood. It really sucks because the feeling I hate the most is feeling alone and yet that is the feeling I unfortunately experience the most as I rarely get the opportunity to feel happy doing anything.
If you're still reading this, first of all, thank you for taking the time to, I know I've vented a lot in this tweet and it will probably be used by some people to mock me but I kinda don't know what else to do.
I would greatly appreciate some actual help to be able to actually be something other than the person in the community who is hated the most and rather than given a hand when they're down, they're kicked when they're down.
I want to actually meet people, make actual friends, I want people to actually see me as a good human being rather than an evil cunt.
Feel free to reach out to me in dms on Discord, because I really actually want to get better because I feel constantly in limbo since I love playing Mario Kart but I struggle to enjoy my favourite hobby due to the constant hate and rejection.
I'm sorry for the things I've done, whether that being overly toxic in lounge, being involved in needless drama etc, I just want to actually get opportunities that allow me to improve and change rather than just be constantly overlooked.
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