steph

middle school boys: discovering porn, dane cook, sports middle school girls: QUIJA BOARDS, ALIGNMENT OF PLANETS, LIGHT AS A FEATHER STIFF AS A BOARD, SUMMONING THE GHOST OF BLOODY MARY IN A MIRROR, MAKING YOUR ARMS ENTER ANOTHER REALM THROUGH THE FLOOR,

bring back when ppl only knew if you were hot via commissioned paintings and word of mouth

Further proof that my wife @StephSeemsOK is a total smoke show 🥵 @BloodVultvre 🩸 “Die Close: Finale” youtu.be/e7hoNtWF--s?si…

went to a party where the invite said dress hot or else

girl dinner but it’s just my psych meds and bubble tea

pretty rude of the girl next to me on the train to have a privacy filter on her phone when im simply trying to watch tik tok with her

a shadow never lies, i’m actually severely deformed 😔

nothin quite like splitting two bottles of wine over a plate of deviled eggs with your bff while Catfish plays in the background 🥰

forgot to tell all 7 of you that I did The Moth here in good old NYC recently and actually WON! here's the story if any of you are still reading:

our bathroom is still a little purple after filming this, please take a minute to watch so it's all worth it!

NYC-based doomy rock duo, Sister Thieves, debut the video for their song "CRAWL," the title track off their debut album. newnoisemagazine.com/premieres/vide…

do I sound like a crazed liberal when I say I should be allowed to count my cat's inhaler towards my annual deductible?

okay real talk, when a baby says PAPA is it short for PATRIARCH? it can’t possibly be short for DAD or FATHER 🤔

that's me under the demon costume! I mean, me in my true form!

why did this selfie get 24,000 views + 1000 likes on Xiaohongshu and like... 2 likes and 5 rotten tomatoes thrown at my head on IG

I love having a dial tone in my head instead of any connection to my inner self

she’s back, she’s blonde, and she’s not a wig this time

all christmas songs fall into three categories: Horny, Suicidal, and Jesus. do NOT challenge me on this.

and Buddha was born a prince before he rejected that lifestyle to become Buddha

We kept saying “They’re heeeere” every time someone arrived at our Halloween party 👻

this is my band btw so hit that pre-save link OR ELSE