Desy Gato

THE STATUE A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue." "What's this honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room. "Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk. "Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smith's for three days and nobody offered me so much as a glass of water.

Victoria’s no longer a secret: So my oldest brother Ethan doesn’t like wearing pants while at home, he wears boxers (because he’s a gentleman) but REFUSES to wear pants. So one day we’re all just chilling on the couch when Ethan comes in wearing his boxers. My younger brother Eric asks if he can take off his pants too and Ethan says yeah, just make sure you have clean underwear on. Eric leaves the room, goes upstairs, comes back 3 or 4 minutes later without pants in my underwear, and not just any underwear; Victoria’s Secret, MY VICTORIA’S SECRET (only girl in the family). Ethan is laughing his ass off, Nate (next oldest brother) is rolling on the floor, and I’m just sitting there like WTF. My dad chooses the best time to come in with guests, when one of his 10 year old sons is standing in the living room wearing his only daughters frilly Victoria’s Secrets, his oldest isn’t wearing pants, and the other two sons are on the floor dying. The neighbors haven’t come over since.

The magician & the parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. He has a different audience each week, so he allowed himself to perform the same act over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of every show. “Look, that’s not the same hat!” “Now he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” “Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?” The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything about it. After all, it was the captain’s parrot. One day the unthinkable happened: The ship had an accident and sank! The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot of course! They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a single word. This went on for days. After a week the parrot finally broke the silence and said, “Ok, I give up, Where’d you hide the boat?”

I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT YOU A player was telling his mother about the game scheduled for that afternoon. Today we will play in a stadium with a roof, Mom! His mother replied happily: -Really? That's very good. When you're playing 1 won't have to worry about the hot Sun or rain and you won't get sick. You always have your head bare and you play outside without a cap.

A DIFFICULT SITUATION TO SOLVE The football match between two children's teams became "white- hot”. Suddenly a little player ran to the main referee and said: - Uncle, I want to make water.

Stone and Stone - Breaker A very strict officer was talking to some new soldiers whom he had to train. He had never seen them before, so he began: “My name is Stone, and I’m even harder than stone, so do what I tell you or there’ll be trouble. Don’t try any tricks with me, and then we’ll get on well together.” Then he went to each soldier one after the other and asked him his name. “Speak loudly so that everyone can hear you clearly,” he said, and don’t forget to call me "sir". Each soldier told him his name, until he came to the last one. This man remained last one. This man remained silent, and so Captain Stone shouted at him, “When I ask you a question, answer it! I’ll ask you again: What’s your name, soldier?” The soldier was very unhappy, but at last he replied. “My name’s Stone-breaker, sir”, he said nervously.

Joe's Accident... Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company (responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking companies fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" said the lawyer. Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the......." "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'" Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..." The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and put her out of her misery Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her - how are you feeling?"

The Sack An office manager had money problems and had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work. The next morning, both employees came to work very early. So the manager thought he would fire the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk. Then the manager thought he'd wait to see who would leave work the earliest, but both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack and the manager went up to her and said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off." Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

SLEEPING SOLDIERS By the time the soldier pulled into the little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor. "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, but he's an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you..." "No problem," the tired army guy assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the soldier came down to breakfast table."How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better!" said the soldier. The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring all night long?" "No, I shut him up in no time," explained the soldier. "How'd you manage that?" "Well, he was already in bed, snoring away, when I walked into the room, so I gave him a kiss on the cheek," explained the soldier. Then, I whispered in his ear, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night looking at me."

AN ARGUMENT During a neighborhood party here, I got into an argument with my neighbor, Van, about presidential politics. Finally, he asked me why I was such a dedicated Republican. I told him that my Father and GrandFather were Republicans before me and that I was carrying on the family tradition. "That's it ?" said my exasperated neighbor. "What if your Father and GrandFather had been horse thieves ?" "Well..." I replied, "I suppose then I'd be a Democrat like you."

A GOOD CHESS PLAYER A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen." "Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

DO YOU HAVE AN OBSESSION? A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go.

Naz Reid transition block + block at the rim #NazReid

I can’t wait for trump to not pay Alina Habba. #Habba

goodnight ateez, i’ll be thinking of you and your 13 song set list at Coachella 🧚‍♀️ #Coachella

Good morning☀️ #DesyGato

@youngeazy22 Beautiful sexy😻

@youngeazy22 you are so beautiful😍😍😘😘

@elonmusk actually the truth though!!!!

This is the only place to find the truth

@BleacherReport GAME OF THE YEAR👍👍

THIS GAME 🔥🔥🔥🔥