Stevie Vegas (Steve the Juggler)

What type of flower do Celtic fans hate? Hydrangers. #LunchPun

I thought of rapping some Kendrick Lemar lyrics to a group of Drake fans, but then I remembered 🎵They not like us, they not like us🎵 #LunchPun

I think fasting seems like a good idea for losing weight, so that’s certainly not food for thought… #LunchPun

What’s round and angry? A vicious circle. #LunchPun

Enjoyed catching up on premier league football while drinking a healthy hot beverage. It was matcha tea day! #LunchPun

Since I copied over 10 million 18 rated films onto memory discs to store in my loft, my sex drive has went through the roof… #LunchPun

My brother keeps pestering me to borrow money, but I’m the one with financial worries. I wish he would leave me a loan… #LunchPun

Been advised to do more walking, but I’m confined to the house, so I’ve invited Claire, H and Faye round. At least I’m getting some Steps in… #LunchPun

I promised the Fugee’s I’d play a game with them. [COVERS EYES] 🎵Ready or Not, Here I Come, You Can’t Hide”🎵 #LunchPun

Which rapper is always having a wee tantrum? Tinie Tempah. (If he keeps going like this, I think he’ll "Pass Out") #LunchPun

Became allergic to travelling in outer space, so I was given asteroid injection. #LunchPun

@DC_Mas8n That certainly seems en vogue with what they might say ;-)

@SteveJuggler they had a great eye insurance plan though. Trust their ad for it ; "What a plan, what a plan, what a plan, what a might good plan!"

Salt N Pepa quit the music business to become Opticians. They just phoned to sweet talk me into making an appointment. 🎵Let’s Talk about Specs baby, let’s talk about you and me🎵 #LunchPun

Wondering what I could get as a present for my Mother this Sunday. Perhaps an aromatic food that will help her blood sugar levels? “Cardamom?” “Good idea, I’ll pop down to Hallmark and then the spice shop.” #LunchPun #MothersDayJoke #MothersDay

Which of Rizzle Kicks parents did I want to draw the next part of a Camel? 🎵Mama Drew the Hump, Mama Drew the Hump Hump🎵 #LunchPun

That remark you made about standing on the tips of your toes in ballet seems to be en pointe… #LunchPun

@WokChic Yay! Glad it was a good experience. Hope everything works out in your favour. x

@SteveJuggler Thanks, Stevie! Over now. Best scan experience ever. Radiologist was brilliant. Talked through headphones telling me times of each procedure, when table would move etc. Worst thing was the cheesy music!

Good morning. It’s Friday. I’m going for an MRI scan 😳 it’s a short machine but I have terrible claustrophobia. Doc gave me sedation to take 45 mins before. I woke up with dread. I know…. I’m a wuss.

The bomb was found inside a dish of marinated roasted chicken chunks. It was tikkin’ tikka masala. #LunchPun

@pauleggleston Happy Mirthday Paul!

On the occasion of my birthday, here's some 'highlights' from the last 12 months... wp.me/p4jzDV-3l