Tweet Davidson

BREAKING: Congress has announced that the next round of stimulus will be the friendships we made along the way.

I just swallowed about 100 pills of opioids. I’m either going to die or be in a coma from the Tylenol in them. I’m sorry. I’m sorry to everyone. I tried to amount to something and it never happened. I’m a terrible friend, comic, and father. I just wanted to make people laugh.

@SlickReynolds @BoyYeetsWorld Valid

Hey- guy who keeps creating accounts to follow me on FB/twitter, I blocked you cuz you stole jokes and posted them as your own. I never block friends that I disagree with politically/religiously/even guys who worship Elon Musk/Rogan. But I don’t ever tolerate joke theft.

@SlickReynolds @BoyYeetsWorld This is why we are bros 🤜🏻 🤛🏻

@SlickReynolds @BoyYeetsWorld Also I have to stress how @BoyYeetsWorld was so fucking cool about our similar tweets. Dude beat me before a joke fair and square and could’ve called me out but instead he was reasonable and awesome. Sometimes the internet has similar thoughts and he acknowledged that.

@SlickReynolds I get that jokes are similar (look at my pinned tweet, it was huge but another guy on Twitter (@BoyYeetsWorld nearly said the same thing 45 min before me). I kept mine up because I knew it was MY thought. Then there are people who steal without changing A WORD. It’s baffling

@awilcox19 I tried this excuse, she still said, “ok fine but you gave me HPV”

it was the tequila

Jokes on you @elonmusk I just paid $25 to be verified on AOL Instant Messenger.

I called out a guy on the internet tonight for being a joke thief and it turns out he was actually a *checks notes* rapist/stalker/sexual harasser/predator. But still…don’t steal jokes.

@keeryology @djotime I love him in ST and his role in Spree was the best artistic departure he could make from that franchise. I’ll check his music out for sure. But just let your fan base know that @joe_keery is humble, approachable, friendly and a pleasure to be in the company of.

@STEDDEIS @keeryology She was a great girl I was just trying to be funny, but to be fair she came on WAY too strong to @joe_keery and his declining her pic was justified on his end.

@keeryology Thanks! This was Aug of 2019, so I don’t know if that helps. Didn’t even know he had a music career. But he was awesome, friendly, and polite. Him denying a pic to my coworker was justified because she was too pushy and rude about it. Much respect to the man. Also Spree ruled.

@LeonaThotsky Good to know. Also, shame on me for being like “I heard this dude may have killed someone” and not deleting him but the minute I saw him posting other people’s jokes I was like “oh, this is abhorrent!” My priorities are not right.

@SteveRyanComedy O_o Yeah, a woman he was obsessed with passed away right before she was getting ready to sue him. Idk if the cops questioned him but there’s a wholeass 5 galleries on Imgur of his harassment.

@djoshoe Thanks! This was Aug of 2019, so I don’t know if that helps. Didn’t even know he had a music career. But he was awesome, friendly, and polite. Him denying a pic to my coworker was justified because she was too pushy and rude about it. Much respect to the man. Also Spree ruled.

imagine just casually sitting next to joe keery while he's working on an album

Hey Steve, with all the twitter drama going on, are you gonna delete your account in resistance? Bitch I’m not famous and this is the only attention I can get. I’ll keep making bad jokes on here until my dad starts throwing out “I’m proud of you” on our phone calls twice a year

What is the most perfect movie you've ever seen?

@leannrimes @r3ckfull 😂 This is the single greatest interaction I’ve ever had. Thanks again, and you’re awesome.

@SteveRyanComedy @r3ckfull at least you didn’t get me sticking my finger up my nose #likelyoccurrence 😂😂😂

Last week I posted stories of celebs I met when I was a flight attendant. Here’s part II, enjoy? (1/12)

@leannrimes @r3ckfull You’re a good sport. I’ll knock it off with the drive by pics of celebs. Also, Now that I think about it…I was probably the one that farted. You rock.

@SteveRyanComedy @r3ckfull you got me… that’s what i like to do on planes, rip one and blame it on the old guy sitting nearby! 🤣 btw… this is my PET PEEVE… if you’re going to take a photo, ask and say hi! #idontbite