Tampa Bay Bandits

Sources tell me that a Tuesday Evening Quarterback is coming today, making a return from a few weeks off. Lots of antsy owners curious to see whether they’ll be ripped or praised.

In response to losing four of five, the Bandits have decided to release incumbent starting quarterback Jared Goff. “He clearly didn’t learn how to read defenses while at Cal,” one groundskeeper for the Bandits said, unaware that Goff was no longer with the team.

The #Bandits are currently entertaining all trade offers.

Trey “preacher” Sermon has been named today’s starter at running back.

Per a source close to the situation (I.E. management), Dalvin Cook will be taken out of the Bandits starting lineup today and has been placed on the trading block.

From Bandits management: “We are open to any and all trades. Something has to change.” @USFLRapSheet

TRADE: The @MIPanthersUSFL are sending WR Odell Beckham Jr. to the @BlitzChicago for RB Nyheim Hines. League sources are calling this an enormous win-win, as Michigan gets a much-needed second RB and Chicago gets a go-to WR.

Tampa Bay Bandits PR and management is out for the weekend. All lineup changes will come from custodial staff.

“Trey ‘Preacher’ Sermon is built different.”

Bandits management: “Dalvin Cook, contrary to what our front office was told, did not take the field today. Trey Sermon wasn’t inserted into the lineup accordingly.”

We have our first trade in the @USFL2021 reboot: The Birmingham Stallions are sending Robbie Anderson and Michael Carter to the New Jersey Generals for Jamaal Williams, per sources. Elite players on the move early.

Tuesday Evening Quarterback is back for Week 2! Are the @BanditsTampaBay or @MIPanthersUSFL the No. 1 team in the Power Rankings after two games? 🤔 usfl2021.weebly.com/home/tuesday-e…

Thomas James Hockenson 🐐 #TheFutureisHere

A 🔥 Week 2 slate today. Get ready with some pre-game reading from Alec on all that went down in the past week. Tuesday Evening Quarterback™️: usfl2021.weebly.com/home/tuesday-e…

Thinking about Trevor Lawrence’s contract

Something says we could have a Tuesday Evening Quarterback column on its way 👀

Devonta Smith, touchdown, upside. #TheFutureishere