grant

getting arrested by the Air Marshall for forcing my way into the cockpit and asking him to honk the horn

THE NATIONAL ANTHEM (COVER)

rooting for the Bengals purely because Joe Burrow was in my 2nd grade class and came to my birthday party at the bowling alley

my life goal is to buy LinkedIn and make it a haven for tumblr porn gifs

pussy so good it got me utilizing the word utilizing

pussy so good it got me utilizing early 2000’s emojis like :3 and :D over text

BLINK 182 - I MISS YOU (COVER)

@DJSlizzard you were the Gym Leader that day

it’s true I caught a shiny once (was prominently featured on Live because my car was part of a crime scene for 12 hours)

the Citizen App is so hilarious man it’s like Pokémon Go except for vigilantes

about to partake in my favorite pastime; getting 14 beers deep and chopping a lot of vegetables as fast as humanly possible

Never understood the 5G conspiracies until I drove through Kansas and only had 2G data. They thought we skipped 3 whole G’s man I’d be calling bullshit too

Writing-off the 300,000 ice cold beers I drank this year as a business expense

just got kicked out of a Wisconsin bar for playing Barbie Girl 13 times in a row on the jukebox. Free speech is under attack in america

driving through the countryside listening to Sturgill Simpson I’m so bricked up rn

@MildThaang That would be about 10 what’s new pussycats

@TakeForGrantd is that what’s new pussycat or it’s not unusual?

Being a domestic terrorist on TouchTunes right now

my gf keeps joking about pegging me which normally would be funny if I wasn’t completely broke with both her birthday and Christmas coming up back to back

Been stuck in small-town Nebraska for 3 days bc of a blizzard, but that’s ok because I’m at a bar called Little Jerry’s right now and this drunk guy keeps demanding to talk to Little Jerry

Instagram can have as much of my data as they want as long as they keep marketing shirts like this to me

shouting “Freebird” at the church choir in the middle of Sunday mass