Jim Taylor

Very honored to have been selected as GQ's Sexiest Man of the Year for their April 1 Edition.

Trying to convince my wife that my "alleged" snoring is really just a sign of love and contentment. Its Man Purring.

Been silent throughout the current controversies.I didn't want to offend anyone. Now I feel my voice needs to be heard. I like Nickelback

The cure for my wife's "You are not wearing that are you?" I change into an uglier shirt. Suddenly my first choices don't look so bad.

@realDonaldTrump If foreign intelligence has the deleted emails a President Clinton would be highly vulnerable to blackmail and extortion.

@JimCarrey Jim, I have a suicide prevention benefit at the Irvine Improv Wed Aug 3, 2016. Would you be interested? Thank you. Jim Taylor

To appease my friends with such strong opinions of the presidential candidates I have decided to vote for Trump, Cruz, Sanders and Hillary.

Just got ridiculed for not knowing anything about sports during the Packers-Lakers game.

The salesgirl at Victoria Secret didn't appreciate my pointing out the irony of putting bras on a rack.

Just saw a promo for a new "Little People" TV program called 7 Little Johnsons. My first thought was Snow White got her own reality show.

Donald Trump's new corporate jet was just christened Hair Force One.

Saudi Arabia announced in December women will be able to vote for the first time. No word on whether they will actually count those votes.

Political correctness is going too far. My friend is not getting a divorce. He is re-homing his wife.

Think some additional training is in order for the reporter in Ferguson who yelled "Shots Fired!" then took cover behind a chain link fence

Forwarded my wife my contacts so she could make notifications should I pass. She said she would just change her Facebook status to single.

A Michigan ER removed an action figure from a mans rectum. They said they have seen many Barbies but this was their first Upper GI Joe.

Another groping incident by airport security is causing the TSA to reclassify their agents as package handlers.

Arrest made in the case of the head, hands and feet discovered by the Hollywood sign. Sounds like a Hokey Pokey gone terribly wrong.

The sign at the parking valet said "$6 Flat Fee" So I asked "How much if you 'have' boobs?" I had to get my own car.

To the pretty blonde with the husky dude in the front row. I didnt know you were a lesbian couple. Im sorry i called your girlfriend sir.