Ted Jenkins, CPA

Chills. Straight chills. #shrink

@thornebusch I’m going to try the alcohol strategy tonight I’ll keep you posted

@TedJenkings Extremely often Ted, I usually solve this by fast food and alcohol👍

Anyone else get the random chest pains where it feels likes it’s over or just me

We can capture more Venezuelan presidents than score runs

@thornebusch Follow that tune

Actually so cooked that I’m stimming with Gymskin quotes now

Ex wife just broke months of no contact just to tell me to go fuck myself. Should I ask to crack?

Blacked out and slept on the porch first night of spring break

Shaved my balls to go out tonight knowing I won’t talk to any women

Asked a girl to hangout tonight and she told me she needed to study

Guys my boy’s cousin’s dad’s college friend is boys with Wahlberg and said he’s at the game.

Death taxes, and Penn State losing in the worst way possible

Just got word that ICE is shutting down because enough girls reposted aesthetic Instagram stories

One of the ex wives just Venmo requested me $100 with 😛 as the note.

Nothing like hitting a mean crossover passing a slow chick walking to class

Yes that’s THE island

Downtown. 242 Fifth Ave - CVS. Caller said someone just stole like 7 full cases of Dr. Pepper and fled. Suspect is currently walking down Fifth with a comical amount of Dr. Pepper.

I’m not a Glute Specialist but I can still take a look

Michael Irvin is such a clown

I can’t believe people would pay money to see this Jake Paul fight

@thornebusch Over

Over/under the wife breaks up with me today

Thanks again for coming to formal with me. You look amazing in that dress.