Vikki

@TashP351 This is so damned true

Marriage is basically entering a lifelong competition with someone over who’s had less sleep. (Me).

@JustAndy4849 I think you are allowed as long as you give a head shake and mutter some drivel about 'go woke go broke' under your breath. It's a bit like the Reform version of saying a hail Mary for your sins.

Will I get shot for still buying Cadbury eggs this Easter? 🙄

@our_jesse You're going to be there until easter if they dither that much in the actual meeting.

The most nervous, dry-mouthed voicemail I’ve ever received. Mad because I’m actually a dead nice person

@dad_advice82855 @MadelaineLucyH OK. I mean the care industry, the medical sector, teaching, hospitality, administration and a range of other industries would collapse instantly but fuck it, who needs teachers, nurses, payroll, HR and midwives anyway?

@MadelaineLucyH ~80% of women could be fired tomorrow with no noticeable ill effects other than formalizing who needs to officially do the work they already weren't doing.

Absolutely love this six-year-old’s take on economics. Let’s play with it, shall we? You decide not to work? Household income: $65,000 ➡️ $40,000 So, $25,000 removed from the budget, spend, and taxable income. Fair enough! Now you just don’t have that money to spend on shops, coffee, meals out, trips, trains, etc. So what, right? You’re happy without stuff! Ah. Lots of businesses shut. So your husband loses his job. And her husband. And her husband. And her husband. Uhoh. So: $0. With babies. No! You tell me, women didn’t work before! Yes, and we were all poorer. Dramatically poorer. You’re not going back to a cosy trad fantasy. You’re going back to overcrowded housing, low wages, and limited opportunity. Two incomes didn’t break the economy. They ARE the modern economy. Sorry!

@TruthHurts2223 @MadelaineLucyH Worked for who exactly?

@MadelaineLucyH Except that exact model worked and made the united states the most powerful nation on earth. Then the rise of feminism and we are doing exactly how well now?

@manfuego007 I'm definitely a bot. A bad tempered, Northern bot with conjunctivitis and an air of irritation.

Are there even any real people on here anymore. Feels like there’s about six or seven actual people and just a seething, hissing mass of bots.

@FMT3050 This is one of those marvellous threads that blows up into utter lunacy because someone says something completely innocuous. Next time someone asks about an innocent tweet that attracted all the unnecessary hate, I shall be pointing them there.

Few things - 1 - I literal don’t hate butter. 2 - Twitter is a walking Ricky Gervais joke. The amount of people LOSING THEIR SHIT at me because seed oils are worse is truly sensational when at no point did I mention seed oils 3 - old women really like James Martin 4 - fuck off.

@JohnWilkes1877 @FMT3050 Is it just one page, containing simply a picture of him with a pat of butter in each hand and one poking out of his mouth like a dairy-based cigar?

@FMT3050 Wait until you find out he has a cook book just for butter

How is James Martin allowed on TV. JUST ADD 412 LITRES OF BUTTER TO EVERYTHING. Roast dinner? Butter. Spaghetti Bolognaise? Butter. Bag of Crisps? BUTTER. BUUUTTTEERRRR. Just put on 8 stone watching the fucking thing.

@theblackcatsays I can imagine and you shouldn't have to fight so hard to get him the help, it should just be available.

@TetchyBitch Im tired of fighting to get him the help

Im expecting someone to come round to discuss how we can cope better with Elis. If they suggest a parenting course again I'll kick off. His off today because his teacher bollocked him for not doing questions in the mock sats. Erm the head said he didnt have to. He's scared now

@history99917180 @macmillancancer @MaggiesCentres They were great for my dad when he was dying but he died in 2011 so I don't know if things have changed. I do know my mum.has had a lot of practical and emotional help from the Maggies centre in Manchester, it's a great place. Also good brew selection available...

I see @macmillancancer have gone full Bud Lite with their marketing. Fuck em. I found Maggies charity to be far more accommodating and helpful. If you want to know your charity contributions are being well spent I’d recommend @MaggiesCentres. They were brilliant for me.

A Polish dance group, Fair Play Crew, drew global attention by recreating on stage the stiff and synchronized movements of 1980s fighting video games, such as the classic International Karate. I've seen this so many times, still cracks me up 😂

@DakdaR22 @MFIJake Valid point from the fella there.

Macron says that "Europe cannot depend on the mood of a 79-year-old man"

@LeeBraganza Happy birthday! The cake looks amazing.

I've had the best birthday with my little crew. Amelia made me a coconut and mango cake!

@FacileTalk Good call, as long as I only kick yhe legs and don't lean forward, with a prevailing wind I might get away with it. If not then fuck it, it's the end of the night, maybe everyone will be too drunk to remember.

@TetchyBitch Just get up at the end for New York New York. It's just a bit of swaying & leg kicks.

Been trying on dresses for a wedding. Apparently all evening dresses are now designed for either the over 60s or ladies with lovely petite chests who can dance while wearing tiny delicate bras that don't show under the plunging neckline. I am neither of these ladies. Fucks sakes.

@RJValentine Oh thank you, i'll have a look on there this evening.

@TetchyBitch I recommend Scarlett & Jo. They’ve got some gorgeous dresses!

@hselftax Thanks, I'll have a look on there.

@TetchyBitch Might be worth trying Chesca? I got a nice outfit from there for my son’s wedding. Good luck.

@FacileTalk I am too old to be the party flasher these days.

@FacileTalk It's not fatties that I need, i'm 5ft 10 and a size 12. What I need is tit coverage. More tit coverage. Because in everything I have tried on, if I attempted anything more than a sedate waltz, the puppies will escape and cause a flashing incident on the dance floor.