Mummy Dear

My 4yo pretended she was a hired cleaner yesterday as. As she helped me clean she asked if I had any kids. After telling her about my 2 I asked if she had any of her own. Turns out she has 5 kids and has been married to a man named Carlin for 30 years. You think you know someone.

@JulioHashem @westcoast_DJ One summer (many moons ago) when I was an unpaid intern, I won the 100 dollar gift card. I rode that high for a long time and it bought be many lunches 😆

In Canada, you can just roll up to the drive thru window with a ripped piece of coffee cup and say “apple fritter please” and they’ll just give you a free apple fritter

When your mind tells you what that pillar probably tastes like but you NEED to make sure:

Whenever I go to the grocery store to buy produce I can’t help but think of the hours of footage they must have of me trying to open those little bags.

@kosluftar @davidalter The only way to get through that dumpster fire

@davidalter @ThatMummyLife

If you aren’t watching the World Cup Draw without British sarcasm you really aren’t watching the World Cup Draw 🤣

A ghost joined us on the walk to the school bus this morning…

@momjeansplease On a plot of land far far away

I just want to be fat and ugly in the peace and quiet of my own home

@IHideFromMyKids 3 am… is it a ghost or my brain

As a kid, I used to wake up in a panic thinking the weekend was a school day. Now as an adult, I wake up in a panic, thinking

@DrakeGatsby Pair it with a pen that looks like a ruler.

Not sure what to get the man in your life for Christmas? Might I recommend some whiskey stones? They will either make a room temperature drink slightly cooler or sit in the back of his freezer until he moves out.

@WhatsAGreenhorn You and me both!

@ThatMummyLife Can't believe he's 10 already. Seems like only yesterday he was younger than that.

Reading a book about plants at bedtime and my 10 yr old pointed to a picture of a ‘beech’ and said, “this is you.” Can’t even get mad at him for that one.

Do I have legs for days? I’d say so. Had these ones for almost 38 years.

@sweatsntopknots But will you return them 🤔

Feeling down? Have you tried chips and salsa-ing about it?

I think Hannibal Lecter and I have different definitions of “Girl Dinner.”

@momjeansplease Miss you too and the old days!

@ThatMummyLife Miss you!

I deserve to live in a house that has secret passageways.

@DestryBrod 331

Three people read my posts here.

@kygina @deloisivete Are they cute tho?

@deloisivete I know an adult who says this. I totally get it.

My 7yo keeps saying pacifically instead of specifically, and he's lucky that's still cute

@Camel_Crushin I use my milk bag bag to keep it tidy. Yes.

I feel like flour bag technology should be better at this point.

@jzux 😩

"do you have any hobbies" lately i've been really into panicking