☠Êv¡£☠Genius☠

Don't fuck with people who prefer their own company to the company of others, trust me on this, you'll lose that battle every time.

I just found out that people put peanut butter on their hot dogs, as if I didn't need another reason to fly into a murderous rage.

I don't try to change minds… just deepen them.

Those who are easy to manipulate, are those who do not realize that the story is being written around them. It

Leftover champagne from last night, and tipsy tweeting? Why yes, I think I might. *will

and still we loved

I haven’t gotten an unsolicited dick pic in years. It’s like you guys don’t even care anymore.

Just want to say thank you to the 40 people that acknowledge I exist on this platform.

It’s exhausting speaking the truth when everyone in your life lives for the lie.

Look at us, out here, still toppling governments by hand the old fashioned way.

By the age of 29, Steve Jobs had the Apple Empire. By the age of 32, Bill Gates was on Forbes' most wealthiest list. By the age of 55, I have the greatest collection of JAWS Pez dispensers in my state. So yes, I am an overachiever.

To everyone I might have offended in 2025, guess what, I'm planning on doing it again in 2026.

📍Me | | | _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | 📍A crowd of people I _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ | | | | 📍Crisis avoided

Remember to place oranges and apples in your kid’s Christmas stockings because fresh fruit is the staple of Christmas disappointment.

I'm a goddamn social butterfly, now leave me alone, so I can go back to avoiding people for weeks on end.

Life got too heavy, so I got too light; now I'm balancing, frantically, manically, on tightropes and wires, hoping to disappear from sight.

My neighbor says “You look like you're gaining weight”, so I replied to her with “I'm just trying to catch up to you.” And now suddenly I'm the bad guy.

I’ve outgrown the version of me that kept waiting for something to change.

Speak to me in your lowercase voice.

It would take me longer to get permits to pave my driveway than it took for him to delete history.