TheAngryBartender

Apparently some people need to hear this: No, I will not wait at your table while you call your friend to see what they want. I’ll come back. Yes, I’m serious. No, I don’t care. Please call: the cops, the owner, your mom, my mom, and your god of choice. They can’t help you.

I hope everyone has a great next week leading into the holiday crunch-time… Except the guy who called, mad, because I denied his (unaccompanied) 16 year old entry into the bar (10PM) “just to get food,” I hope he gets a new dad who actually cares about him for Christmas. 🎄 🖕

So listen, if you’re going to point, or not use words… you get what I give you. It’s not that hard to verify or answer questions, or I dunno, fucking nod. Communicate like a child and get put in timeout, and believe me, it’s very thirsty over there.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but after last night I’m going to say this before I even go in. You’re getting the same energy back you give me. I work here. Not you. I run shit. Not you. Tread lightly. A ban might not be the only thing you catch for Christmas this year.

I’m not sure who needs to hear this, but when you go on vacation, stop budgeting to eat & drink at your hometown bar that has been family owned for 80 years. Realize you’re paying for cost, rent, and an actual place people actually want to visit where everyone isn’t related. 😘

Industry Peeps! We all went through a lot mentally & physically the last few years, especially with how people have been acting. Many of us don’t have the time/energy to take care of ourselves. So remember: Drink water. Rest. Calories from fries in the window don’t count.

So push your chair or bar stool in and make your parents proud. Or don’t. Let’s face it, you’ve likely been disappointing them for much bigger reasons for a long time.

It costs zero dollars to be kind to each other. It also costs zero dollars to be an asshole to someone. But not pushing your chair back in when you’re at a bar or restaurant? That’ll cost your parents some pride and dignity since it looks like they raised mannerless trash.

I stand by the fact there is no correct answer for the wings. Live and let live. But… the sticks… I’m judging the fuck out of you.

If someone orders wings I play this game “will they want ranch or bleu cheese?” based on our quick interaction. I’m right like 80% of the time. Now, where I’m from you don’t get a choice, but I live somewhere I unfortunately have to ask ranch or marinara for mozzarella sticks.

You are more than welcome to string-order me. I’ll forgive the first time, but every time after you’re waiting longer each time. Why? You are monopolizing my time and costing other customers from getting attention. So, keep it up, and make the rest of your friends wait too.

Been in the service industry a while? Work with a few people who are in their early-to-mid 20’s? Want to feel old? Like old? Like really old? Not aches and pains old, like ‘back in my day!’ old? Ask one of those coworkers if they’ve ever mailed a letter or written a check.

Just a reminder to everyone’s grandma and grandpa: $5 on $42 and a “$20 off if you spend $100” coupon that you ‘don’t think you’ll use’ is not an acceptable tip.

I have a way with words. What I should have said: “We’re just not hiring right now, but I will keep you in mind in the future.” What I said: “I don’t think you’d be a good fit for the staff here. You’re better as a customer, which you’re not really great at.”

I totally get it, you’re from a place that specializes in some type of food. Crabs or sandwich. Whatever, cool! When you’re on vacation your entire personality is talking about & comparing it, to “back home.” We love hearing all about it non-stop. You’re awesome in our minds.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but: “If you raise your prices we won’t be coming in anymore!” is not the flex you think it is, especially when you’re someone the entire staff loathes.

It’s never okay to stiff a shitty industry member as revenge for how they tip/act. It is okay to send cheap customers to them. Then you’re just doing God’s work. No, the god’s work. The fun ones that are vengeful and drink ambrosia, not the one who only looks out for himself.

I love me a 55 year old stranger who thinks “Kids don’t understand how the world works & they can’t do anything without complaining” that then get upset because I need a card for a tab. Get mad all you want Karen, but “kids” in their mid-20’s tend to understand the bar-basics.

Just remember kids, every time someone in the service industry tips like shit, or acts entitled at another bar:restaurant, a woman somewhere gets a Karen haircut and asks to speak to a manager. Do your part and have some respect for each other And always, be better than Karen.

“I NEVER have a good experience eating out!” Really Belatrix? Never? Then the issue is your expectations, not the service. Set some realistic standards & not only will you enjoy yourself dining out but you may find someone to clean the cobwebs out of your chamber of secrets too.