ShitMyRoommateSays

Whatever girl said "just the tip" doesn't count clearly did not learn lessons from the Titanic.

Giants Suck #VotePuig

RT @dodgersnation: Remember when Yasiel Puig trailed on the final day of the Final Vote, but came back to get voted to the ASG? #VotePuig

@TheFourthCorner Happy #earthday , may you recycle everything except your ex's

@KtHoWood this is ironic because we had steaks for dinner last night…but no pi

Cubic Zirconium's slogan should be: Guys can fake it too! #truth

On this Valentine's Day do not be a dummy. Cum on her tummy.

You had us at hello RT “@KtHoWood: Apologies for my disinterest in football. I'm just a gal that gets beer and gives blowjobs. My B.”

They should call the Super Bowl the Not So Sober Bowl. GO NINERS!!!

We would rather have our prostates checked than sit at the same bar as an ex girlfriend.

You know you're finally returning to the valley when you start to see green fields and John Deere tractors.

Dog is giving me a dirty look while I'm #snuggled under a blanket... Sorry I don't sleep with dogs anymore #ohhhhhowtimeshavechanged

"You're using your laptop as a coaster. Put it away."

When it says "Juicy" across a girls sweat pants on the backside, is it really juicy?

Fat girls in yoga pants <<<

To honor. Never in her, always on her.

You should put it in her dairyer.. For real..

"Her boobie to self esteem ratio was inversely equal."

@emcwilliams09 she's a nice lady